Naked Eye

My Christmas Wish

2011-12-20T00:14:00.000-08:00

Last week, my siblings and I decided to share with each other a Christmas wishlist for ourselves and for the kids. The list has to be in a certain order--needs on top and wants on the bottom. That way, we would all end up buying things that we can really use. After all, we knew we were going to buy each other gifts anyway.

But after this weekend--after hearing of the flooding in Mindanao and getting the horrible news that my aunt (mom's younger sister) is among the missing, and that her two daughters were also swept away by the flood and are now severely injured, the last thing we can think about is Christmas and our Christmas wishlist.

So my Christmas list is now down to one:

~~1. Bundt pan and a pie dish for my next baking project~~
~~2. A new pair of work shoes~~
~~3. A cookie cutter set~~
~~4. A gift certificate from AdoramaPix~~
~~5. An easy-to-follow cookbook~~
~~6. A new classic round Waffle maker (by either Calphalon or All-clad)~~
~~7. Burberry trench coat in sand or beige~~
~~8. Etienne Aigner Chastity boots in Banana Bread leather~~
~~9. Blue Topaz drop earrings from Blue Nile~~
~~10. Nikon 24mm f/1.4 lens~~
1. That my aunt be found and my cousins survive

May God answer my plea...

In Cancun...

2011-11-18T23:05:00.000-08:00

...we had a home away from home for about a week.

...we extended our summer as it was starting to get chilly in the north.

...we had a hammock in the balcony of our room, where we spent some time enjoying the morning sun and the ocean breeze.

...my little boy had a blast!

...we spent a lot of time at the pool,

and the beach.

...we played hard,

and we bonded a lot.

...we made so many good memories,

...and we celebrated a very important day.

Family vacations are very important to me. I make sure we include it in our budget every year--at least one long vacation and maybe one or a couple short ones. Going away rejuvenates me. It keeps me sane.

Growing up, our family didn't have the means to go on nice family vacations. My parents worked all the time and I don't recall them taking any time off other than when we had to make short trips to attend weddings or some special events. On summer breaks, my siblings and I helped with the family business or with some relative's business.

To my parents, vacation was luxury and something they can only enjoy when they retire. To me, vacation doesn't have to be luxury. There are so many ways to get away without spending too much. I don't want to have to wait until retirement to enjoy and see places, because what if I don't live long enough to be 65? What if I'm not healthy enough to travel then?

I want to do what I can now. And if my husband and I are blessed with healthy senior years, then maybe that means we'll just have to travel more. :-)

Breathe

2011-09-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Self,

Breathe.

Relax.

Take it easy.

Everything will be just fine.

Days like these will come to pass.

I know it's one of those weeks when every day seems like a 24-hour work day. You push yourself to the limits and you end up getting pushed to the wall instead, left with not a lot of choices. You do what seems right, but nothing seems to work out as well as they should and you end up with a marathon of discouraging results.

You go home and expect life to suddenly change. It always does. But there are days when no amount of TV shows or baseball game or internet browsing can distract you. Your little boy gets you occupied for a little while and takes you to your Lala land--he never fails to do so, but only until he kisses you goodnight and retires for the day. Then you're back to where you were and realizes that you failed to leave the anxiety at work and all the emotions that came along with it.

But days like these have an end. Mind you, next week or maybe even tomorrow will be a whole new story, one that is a complete opposite. And you will be delighted once again. This is life. It is never perfect for anyone. And complaining will not make it any better.

So take it easy.

Hang in there. You'll be fine.

And breathe.

~Liza~

My Little Boy Lucas

2011-09-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

A few days ago...

Daddy: Lucas, do you want to sleep next to Daddy?
Lucas: Not really, no.

Charles and I, confused yet amazed, just stared at each other as I signaled, "how on earth did he learn how to say that???"

A day after...

Daddy: Lucas, your toenails are getting long. Let's putol your toenails nah!
Lucas: No, Papa. Later!

I was watching The Kennedys on TV while Lucas was squatting on the floor playing. He glanced at the TV while it was showing Greg Kinnear, who plays JFK making a speech.

Lucas: Who is that tawo talking?
Me: That's John F Kennedy
Lucas: John F Kennedy? Who's that?
Me: I don't know, Long!

After saying that to him, I thought, I should have told him who he is rather than just saying "I don't know". I think I did that to stop him from asking further. But he should be asking. It is his job to ask and my job to answer and teach. He may not understand what I tell him now, but I owe it to him to speak truthfully when he asks me something.

Lucas turned 28 months old today and he is at that very curious stage. Everything I watch, he wants to watch too. Everything I touch, he wants to put his hands on them too. He doesn't like sleeping anymore because he does not want to miss anything. We used to keep him out of the kitchen at all times but now he insists on watching me cook and prepare his food. When I have a call, he wants to grab the phone so he can listen in and also talk to the person on the other line. When he sees me pulling out the camera to take his picture, he would try and grab the camera and insist that he takes my picture instead. Grandma Nena used to read him a book before his afternoon naps, but now he takes the book and says, "Grandma Nena sleep, Lucas read the book!"

He can talk so well now, better than other kids his age. I know that because his pedia says so, and because I know kids from church and kids of my co-workers who are older than him but can't speak as well. They can say words, but my Lucas can say sentences.

He even starts to reason with us now. One time we had our friend Jim for dinner. We were on the dinner table for hours, catching up and having a lovely chat with our friend. Lucas was just playing the whole time after he finished his meal, but later he started getting annoyed for the lack of attention.

Lucas: Lucas go to Mama Papa bed! (he wants to go to our bedroom)
Me: No, wa tawo didto. We're all here so just stay here.
Lucas: Naaahh! Lucas go to Mama Papa bed. Dala Mama! (He started grabbing my hand and pulling me. I resisted)
Me: No, diri lang ta kay ngit-ngit didto. See, it's so dark!
Lucas: Lucas siga suga! (He said he'll turn on the lights)

He immediately grabbed a step stool and made his way to the bedroom. At that point, we just all cracked up, especially our friend Jim after we translated what Lucas had said.

He knows very well how to navigate the iPad, the iPod and the iPhone. One time he listened to music on my iPhone and I wondered how he was able to. My iPhone is always locked and he doesn't know the passcode. When I took it back from him, the music was playing but I saw that the phone was still locked. I spent days trying to figure out how he did it. I was so close to looking up the manual and thought it might be quicker if I just give up and ask him. My 2-year old showed me how to do it. It was so simple but I never would have figured it out. I couldn't help but think--oh, my boy is a genius!

We often take for granted the fact that we need to continue teaching him. Because he speaks well and knows quite a bit now, we have stopped actively teaching him things. Whatever he's learned this past several weeks, he learned them on his own--from watching his kid shows on TV, from his iPad apps, and just from observing us and listening to us talk. It's amazing how much his little brain has absorbed, and I hope this continues.

As for me, I am beginning to think about how best to maximize his potentials at the same time allowing him to enjoy being a toddler. We have just started potty-training him. We decided to wait until next year before taking him to preschool. I think he's ready for it, but I'm the one who's not. I have yet to come to terms with the fact that he has grown up and no longer a baby. I have yet to settle into the routine of dropping him off and picking him up. Even the thought of it doesn't make me comfortable--not just yet.

But I'll get to it in time. After all, what's best for him is what matters. For now, I will continue to enjoy my little boy Lucas, teach him and feed his curiosity, and marvel at his new abilities.

Lingering Thoughts

2011-08-31T02:08:00.000-07:00

I believe in destiny. I believe in the idea that some aspects of our lives have already been mapped out, planned for. We have the freewill to shape our future and lead our lives to the direction that we want. But if that doesn't turn out to be what was planned for us, then there are powers beyond our own that will take us back to where we should be. A friend of mine just proved to me once again that there is such a thing as "destiny". Long story, but a beautiful one. I might tell it one day.

***

I woke up one day realizing how much Lucas has grown. Sometimes, I am taken aback when he talks to me and suddenly he would sound like a grown up. Sometimes, he makes me feel like I am the kid and he is the parent when he reminds me not to put my foot up on the chair or to stop biting my nails. I was amazed when one time I sat down with him to teach him numbers and the next minute I saw him keying the numeric password on the iPad to unlock it--all on his own.

How can I not be keeping up with him? How can I not know where he is at--with his learnings, his progress, the new toys that he likes or new things that he likes to do? Until now, I haven't made his dentist's appointment, which is now long overdue. I haven't re-enrolled him in swim class after I took him off the class when we were going away for a month, and I didn't want to pay for the classes if he couldn't go to them. And now the summer is almost over. Before I know it, he'll be in school and his time at home will be limited to night and weekends, spring breaks and summer breaks. And I'll just be one of those parents who take vacations during school breaks, because that's all the time there is to be with their kids.

I've been so busy. I didn't have to be, but I've made myself one. I feel that I have taken on so much that I am now falling short of being a mom and a wife. I need some time off. Some serious, extended time off. I want to stay at home and be a full-time mom and a full-time wife. I want to be with my son all day everyday, playing, eating and learning with him. I want to take him to places and we can explore together. Oh, how nice would that be?

Taking the time off from work will be a tough thing for me to do, but I might just make it happen.

***

Photo: The Japanese Friendship Garden, San Jose, CA

Did You Know?

2011-08-31T00:24:00.000-07:00

Lucas has been coughing. I started to notice it several days ago when he would cough once or twice while asleep. One night, he coughed so hard continuously for probably a good five minutes until it waked him and made him cry.

The next day, I brought him to his doctor who said he is fine, to my relief. His lungs were clear, his ears didn't show any signs of infection and "he is a perfectly healthy little boy", said his doctor.

He may have just caught a bug, which will go away in a few days, unless it develops into a cold. Until now, he doesn't have colds so I'm hoping he is OK. Fingers crossed.

But what really amazed me was the doctor's prescription--turn on the vaporizer all night and if he coughs hard and sounds congested, rub Vicks Vaporub on...............guess where? The bottom of his feet! And then cover his feet with blanket or socks.

Really??? Am I the only one who doesn't know this? Clearly, my mom doesn't. My siblings and I grew up relying on Vicks for cough and colds but we've always applied it on the chest, neck and back. Sometimes even on the forehead and nose, which as we all know, is not recommended.

Although I've used Vicks Baby Rub on Lucas in the past, I've always been reluctant about using any Vicks on him, especially on the chest. But applying it on the feet sounds pretty safe to me.

Oh, I did google it when I got home and true enough, so many moms swear by this technique!

So that night, we put the vaporizer on as the doctor suggested. About three hours later, he started coughing so I applied Vicks on to his feet. Well, there was not a peep from him until he woke up the next morning.

***

Photo: Gabriella and Isabella. Twins. Potential clients. This is not the official photos. We met up and discussed their upcoming shoot, and I took a few test snaps. The girls are adorable! I am excited to do their portraits.

Fruit of the Vine

2011-08-26T00:22:00.000-07:00

It's harvest time!

Today, Charles decided to harvest some of the grapes that were hanging from our backyard canopy. Some of the fruits were still very small but they were starting to fall off, so he decided it was time, at least for some of them.

This is only about a third of the entire produce that need to be harvested. When I got home from work and took a peek at the outside, it's as if nothing was taken off of the vine.

I think our grapevine is not as healthy as it should be. The fruits are inconsistent in size. The big ones seem very ripe and they're sweet, and the small ones are sour. I don't know if we should have waited. But if we did, maybe they would have fallen off on their own and we'd have very little left to enjoy. I wish we were more experienced with taking care of plants and fruit trees. Gardening is just not our thing. This is one area that the husband and I would likely flunk.

Lucas was so thrilled about the grapes. He used to go outside and ask to pick some fruit, but we would tell him it's not ready yet. Now, he can enjoy as much as he wants, until mom and dad says "that's enough". He ate too much of it today that we had to stop him from even going to the kitchen.

I wish my dad was here. We owe him this. He had the vision of grapes growing in the backyard and fruits hanging from the canopy, providing a natural shade while he sits in the backyard and lounges the day away. He planted this, along with other fruit trees when he and my mom came to visit a couple of years ago. Now, we are reaping the fruits of his labor and there is nothing I want now than for him to enjoy it too.

Apple's Best

2011-08-25T22:48:00.000-07:00

Whatever will happen to Apple now that Steve Jobs has resigned as its CEO? That's the million-dollar question of the day.

As big Apple fans and fans of Mr. Jobs himself, the husband and I find this news tragic. Charles said this is one resignation that makes him really sad, and I feel exactly the same way. We couldn't stop talking about it all night, and we discussed it up until our lights were off, and into the wee hours of the morning. And reading his resignation letter, which is now all over the web, really got me weak to the knees.

"I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple's CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come." he said.

Something tells me he did not want to leave his post, but something isn't letting him continue. And it must be his health. It is quite sad, and only proves one thing: you can have all the powers and the riches in the world, but if you don't have your health, you could lose almost everything. "Almost" because I know Mr. Jobs will not lose it all. Even when he dies, he will keep a name and leave a legacy that no other CEO has ever left an organization.

He is almost like a church leader that people follow and respect even when he doesn't make any sense. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that his decision not to support flash animation in his mobile devices is a huge thumbs-down. But we buy them anyway. Who has that kind of influence?

He is almost like this magical character that turns everything he touches into gold. His very simplistic approach has amazingly earned his company great success and I wonder if his successors can be that visibly effective.

I hope he is not dying. And I hope that in the absence of a visionary and a great leader, Apple will still continue to make great products because I am, as you can see, a nearly-obsessed fan.

***

Photo: Lucas picking apples (the fruit) at my sister's

Little Girl Tati

2011-08-23T01:14:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of catching up to do. There is so much I want to share here but so little time to do it.

But how can I forget about this little girl Tatiana or "Tati" as her mom and dad calls her? Her lovely eyes and infectious smile still haunts me to this day. Maybe because they ordered more stuff from me that I keep thinking about this "open project" that I want completed soon. Or maybe because she is just pure and outright adorable, and her mom Emily is so slim she really inspired me to work harder at losing weight. And, admittedly, made me quite jealous.

Emily and I have been emailing since October of last year. That's when she first asked me to take photos of Tati. We only live an hour apart, but for some reasons we couldn't get our schedules to work. She also asked me to photograph Tati's first birthday back in January, which would have been a good opportunity to meet other moms and potential clients. But I had to travel that weekend and had to pass up on the opportunity. Finally, on July 30th, we made it work.

Tati is so fond of his dad. The way she clings to him makes me believe in what people always say--that little girls tend to be closer to their dad and little boys to their mom.

Emily, Carlos and Tatiana make a good-looking family.

She got along well with Lucas--way too well!

They ordered a book, which is great because I love making books. This is a hard-bound photo book--a good alternative to flush-mounted albums for a quarter of the price. The hard cover is printed on metallic paper, which I love because it has a little shimmer on it yet it doesn't show hand prints.

The first spread--one of my favorites.

The pages lay flat when you open them, and it has no gutters in between,

so photos look nice and clean even when spread between two pages.

I prefer to do the layouts myself instead of using pre-made templates provided by the lab. That way, I get to stick my brand on the back.

My entire set of deliverables--a book and a custom DVD in a custom DVD case. The custom DVD includes soft copies of the album layout.

I only include a custom DVD case when the client orders a book. Otherwise, my clients get a custom DVD in a standard slim case.

Emily now wants to order a gallery print. I am excited to know which photo they will pick and how it will turn out. Clearly, they are pleased with my work and I couldn't be happier.

At her age now, Tatiana is very challenging to photograph. She didn't care about the camera. She just loves to run around and play. Her curiosity of the things around her was quite fascinating! But I so enjoyed working with her and her family. I truly hope I'll have the opportunity to take her photos again in the future--maybe when she's a little bigger, and more willing to pose for me.

Unforgivable

2011-08-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

Last week, I did something unimaginable. I forgot my mom's birthday.

I was traveling most of the week, and when I do I get too focused on work. I remember getting a text from my sister early in the morning and it said "it's mama's birthday. don't forget to call!" My sister is not one to remind me about these things, but this time she did. She knew I was away, very occupied and likely to forget. But I was still sleepy having slept very late the night before. So ignored it, went back to sleep and by the time I woke up, I was running late for an appointment. Hotel alarm didn't go off!

After work that day, I went out to a dinner meeting and came back late. By the time I remembered what day it was, it was already very late on the 18th.

My mom was clearly upset, and rightfully so. She didn't want to talk to me. I made it worse by attempting a lame excuse. "It's only the 18th here" I said. "Well, it's almost the end of the 19th here" she responded.

At first, I thought, she was being childish and unreasonable. If she forgets my birthday, I wouldn't care. But then it occurred to me--what if one day Lucas forgets my birthday? Or what if Charles does? And my thoughts traveled back to the days when I was little. When it was my birthday and my parents didn't show any signs of preparations for a party or a celebration. I remember how bad I felt. I would lock myself in the room weeping and saying to myself, "I wish I would not live another year so they will regret not celebrating my last birthday!" Yeah, it was that bad.

I think I know now how my mom felt. This matters to her, maybe more than it matters to me. And I realize how lucky I am that my parents are still with us, and this should matter. Forgetting my mom's special day should be unforgivable, but I hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me anyway. And I know she will.

Sweet Tooth

2011-08-10T00:56:00.000-07:00

My homemade Crepe with strawberry, banana and pecan filling

I've never had a sweet tooth. Dessert isn't my favorite part of a meal and I've always been just happy with coffee and tea, unsweetened.

But lately I have been craving for anything sweet. I ask myself, "have I over-deprived myself of carbs that my body is missing sugar?" I'm sure this isn't the case since I haven't changed my diet, and in fact, I have been eating white rice instead of brown for maybe about 2 months now!

I guess it started after my successful attempt at apple strudels. I had two servings of apple and peach cobbler at a picnic last weekend, with two scoops of ice cream on top of that. I had two jumbo cupcakes at work. My colleague brought two different kinds and I made the mistake of trying both--they were so good I couldn't stop eating them!

Every night since last weekend, I've had crepe after dinner! I've always loved crepes and now I make them in my own kitchen--everything from scratch, including of course the pancake/wrapper. I loved making crepe, flipping it and tossing it in the air. Oh, that was so much fun!

Today, while driving home from work, all I could think of was chocolate brownies. Good thing there wasn't a lot of time to even make dinner, so I had to put aside the brownies. Until next time.

A Sunday Of Many Firsts

2011-07-31T23:58:00.000-07:00

Three days ago, I made squid adobo. For some reasons, the squid made a lot of juice. There was so much juice that if I didn't get rid of some, my adobo would turn out too soupy. So I ended up removing about 4 cups of squid broth. I felt bad throwing it away and the first thing that came to my mind when I thought about what to reuse the broth for was Paella.

So today I made my very first Paella. I've been thinking about making some for a while now. Charles likes it and he often talks about how he loved the Paella from Lighthouse in Cebu.

I used Arborio rice, a.k.a. Risotto rice. My Paella turned out OK, but the rice was too fluffy and sticky for me. Next time, maybe I'll just use Jasmine or regular white long-grain rice.

I wanted to make Chicken and Seafood Paella so I had a good mix of seafood in it. I had frozen jumbo scallops, which I thawed and diced.

I had Prawns, peeled and deveined.

I had live mussels and clams, thoroughly washed.

I didn't only have squid broth, but I also had some leftover squid adobo which added so much flavor to the dish.

You gotta have meat and a Paella won't be complete without chorizo. I had chicken and chorizo sauteed in garlic, onions and red bell pepper.

I used carrots and celery for the veggies.

And last but not least, what I think makes Paella a good Paella--saffron! This is the first time I had real saffron in my kitchen, if I don't consider those mixes and saffron flavorings which I'm sure I had in the past. This was sold in a small capsule, which I emptied into a cup and soaked in warm water. Each capsule goes a long way. The wonderful smell and taste of saffron in the Paella was undeniable.

And why was I able to take photos while cooking? I had to wait for my broth. I mixed my squid broth with white wine, and added two large smoked ham bones that I had in my freezer. I had to simmer the broth for about 30 minutes to an hour to get the smoked ham flavor. It smelled so good in the house when it started simmering.

Meet my first Paella. With everything in it, this made a complete meal. This was all I had for dinner, but I had a whole lot! The husband loved it too! The two of us finished this entire platter!

For dessert, I made Apple Strudel. This was a first for me too and it did not disappoint. This was so easy to make. Everything was completed in about 40 minutes, 30 of which was baking. I stuck it in the oven right before dinner and by the time we finished eating the Paella, we had a warm, crunchy fresh-from-the-oven apple strudel, which was excellent with our favorite coffee.

I ate so much today that I ended up in the pool, swimming a few laps as late as 10:30 at night. Had to burn the extra calories off. I've never been in the pool this late. Another first.

Missing Ma and Pa

2011-07-30T00:48:00.000-07:00

I feel so lucky that my parents are still around. And I remind myself often that I should make the most of our time together because one day they won't be around for me.

But I don't always do what I must. I don't always call them when I have the opportunity. I used to call them every Sunday, but now I often forget. When they were here visiting, I probably spent more time in front of the computer than hanging out with them doing nothing else but have a conversation. And it's only after they leave that I'd feel I should have done more.

I just miss them today--for no particular reason. I miss the sound of their voice, my mom's cooking, my dad's smell and the sight of them both in the backyard nurturing the plants, enjoying the sun and whatever little warmth it brings in a chilly early morning.

And I wish they were here with me right at this very moment.

A Magical Place On Earth

2011-07-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

Lucas and Nathan meet Mickey Mouse

When my colleagues learned that I was taking the family on a 6-8-hour drive to Disneyland, they thought I was crazy. Why would I waste almost an entire day driving, paying for a rental van and spending on gas, which by the way is priced almost at its highest for the year, when we could just fly there for an hour and spend less than $100 in airfare? Point taken. But when you're with a big group of nine, three of whom are toddlers, driving has definitely its benefits. We were more relaxed (except maybe for Nathan and Benjamin who got car-sick), we were flexible, we stopped whenever we needed to, and most of all we had fun on the road. With the exception of heavy traffic in the Los Angeles area, the road trip went relatively well.

I was probably the only mom who did this, but I couldn't care less.

This was probably my sixth trip to Disneyland, but a first for Lucas and all three of them kids. I was excited for this trip--excited for myself but so much more for my son and my nephews. I couldn't wait to see their faces when they see Mickey Mouse and the other Disney characters. I couldn't wait to go back to my favorite rides, watch the parade and the shows at night. I was like a kid waiting to be unleashed and let loose in the playground. My only childhood experience of Disney was confined to TV, magazines and notebook covers, which is why the child in me is playing catch-up.

The colorful parade at Main Street Disneyland

I'll never get tired of going back to Disneyland. Despite multiple trips there, I still have not been to each and every ride and attraction. And every time I go back, there is something new. This time, the parade is different (though I like the old one better, this too was amazing), there is the new World of Color water show at the California Adventure park which was nothing short of spectacular. I didn't make it to the new Ariel and Star Wars rides, which is definitely a good reason to go back.

What made this trip even more fun is the presence of my cousin Jopie and her family. It was wonderful to see little Benjamin having fun with his cousins.

Three days is definitely not enough to enjoy Disneyland. I don't even know if a week is enough. But I find comfort in knowing that Disneyland is going nowhere. It will be there when we have the opportunity and the means to visit again. All it takes is an hour flight or a 6-8 hours short drive to get to one of the most magical places on earth.

The Paradise Pier at Disney California Adventure--site of the World of Color water spectacular.

July

2011-07-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

JULY

the peak of summer,

flowers blooming abundantly in the yard,

picnics, barbeques and concerts,

a dip in the pool to cool down from the summer heat,

night-swimming,

a walk in the beach or getting dirty in the sand building sand castles,

lemonades and iced tea,

fruit shakes and ice cream,

trips to theme parks, water parks and gardens,

raw oysters and a bottle of beer,

taking the ferry to work,

beautiful sunsets.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far!

Savory Weekend

2011-06-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

We were planning to get away for the weekend--drive up to Yosemite National Park and meet my sister and her family there. But the husband wasn't feeling very well on Friday night. It would have been just fine if we were staying there for at least a night, but there wasn't any place to stay. On summers, lodging in Yosemite is like precious commodity. I have been trying to book a place for a month now and I couldn't find anything. I was told that for some hotels inside the park, you have to reserve a year in advance. So we were just going to do a day trip, but with Charles' condition, an 8-hour drive both ways is not such a good idea. So we bailed.

We ended up with a weekend that was rather quiet and relaxing. On Saturday, we checked out a local creperie called Crepevine for brunch.

They have a wide selection on their menu. It look me a while to decide which one to get.

Lucas and I, hungry and waiting for our food.

I had the Santa Fe breakfast crepe made with grilled chicken-apple sausage, scrambled eggs, mushrooms, chives and provolone, and served with house potatoes and green salad. It was a big plate and everything in it was good.

Charles got the New Orleans Benediction--fancy name for a crab cake benedict. It was good but their hollandaise sauce didn't impress me much.

Lucas got himself a meal too--grilled cheese sandwich with french fries. He ate some of the fries and maybe a fourth of the entire sandwich.

Sunday came and because we ate out all Saturday (we also went to a favorite Japanese place for dinner), I decided I should cook.

I started off the day with freshly baked corn bread. I was going to make waffles and bacon, but when I opened the pantry to get some flour, I saw a box of corn meal. And just like that, I had a change of heart.

This was my share. It was so good with coffee. This was brunch!

For dinner, I decided to have something light. The day before, I got a nice-looking skirt steak at the groceries and immediately thought "tacos"! I don't crave for Mexican food but when I want something different, tacos can be a good fix. It's quick, easy to make and delicious.

How I made Mexican dinner today--

First, I grilled the skirt steak.

Then I have soft taco shells warmed up in the steamer.

I put a little bit of guacamole,

a little bit of sour cream,

put thin slices of the skirt steak,

and topped them with some home-made salsa.

And then I roll them up. Beans or rice would be good in there too, but I didn't have them on mine.

This turned out good! I think I'll make this more often. This will be good to bring on picnics too.

But I did miss something today. An ice-cold or blended margarita, served in a chilled glass with salt on the rim would have completed my Mexican meal. Maybe next time...

Celebrating 5

2011-06-24T23:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. I find it very comforting that we've survived 5 years, although I think the first 5 years of most marriages is the easiest to deal with. Couples are still very much in love, they're practically still newly-weds, they explore and discover new things about each other, yet they're more patient when dealing with each other's differences. From what I was told, patience grows thinner as couples get more and more acquainted and invested in each other.

In our case, the husband and I probably had more challenges before our marriage than after. So we have foreseen what our biggest challenges will be. We knew what we were get into and so far, we have managed to work out our differences, which we have a whole lot of. We are so different, but our differences make us a good fit.

To celebrate our 5th year, we both took the day off and just spent the day with each other. It was his idea (which made it even more special to me). I had to work the early part of the day--there were commitments that I couldn't cancel at the last minute, but the rest of the day was all about "us".

He took me to Bodega Bay, a charming little town off the Pacific coast about 45 minutes drive from our place. We had lunch at a seafood restaurant by the wharf. The sun was up but it was 59 degrees. We walked around for a bit, held hands, and when we found ourselves cold from the ocean breeze, we hopped into the car and just drove around. We ended up at another charming little town called Point Reyes Station. We took a corner at our favorite oyster farm, had a little picnic and before we knew it we had talked the afternoon away.

It was a little surreal for me at first, and strange at times. There were moments when I felt like we just started dating. There were periods of prolonged silence and in my mind I was struggling to find something to say to him. It was really strange considering that when we're together at home, we never run out of things to talk about. Perhaps we weren't used to being alone anymore. Since Lucas came, we hardly got away as a couple. The few times that we got away without Lucas, we were taking care of business.

It was only until we got our spot at the picnic area that I began to collect myself and asked him, "are you happy?" to which he said "yes" without hesitation. That was the start of a wonderful conversation that ended in us making a promise to make every effort to stay the way we are now--in love, devoted and honest with each other. It was also then that I realized how much we have both matured--as individuals and as a couple. Maybe part of such maturity came alongside parenthood. We both embraced it and allowed ourselves to grow in it.

Our marriage will never be perfect, that I am certain. All else is uncertain. At the end of the day, we asked ourselves where we think we're going to be five years from now, and ten years from now. We both don't have the answers. But there is one thing I feel so strongly about--that wherever life takes us, we will still be together and we will be together for a long time. And I find comfort in the thought that we are meant to be. And because God brought us together, He will not break us apart. And so I pray...

On Explosion And Parenthood

2011-06-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

"LARGE EXPLOSION MAY NEED BACKUP.

YES I SAID LARGE EXPLOSION MAY NEED BACKUP.

I HAVE TO WAIT

SHE'S STILL GOING..."

This was a desperate text from a husband to his wife. He was watching 3-month old baby, while she was working out at the gym. This cracked me up so much!

The wife happens to be my good friend, Lori. Her daughter, 3-month old Bianca, is the newest addition to my growing pool of godchildren. I went to see them last week at Bianca's baptism in San Diego. And one of the things we ended up talking about when I was there, inadvertently over lunch, was "explosions".

For those of you who aren't parents yet, "explosion" is what we call the incident when a baby releases too much soft poop. More often than not, it's too much for the diaper to contain that it soils the clothes too. Every parent hates dealing with this (admit it, parents!)--I know of some who would just rip or cut the clothes off and throw them away and not even bother washing them. I am one of them, although when this happened a few times with Lucas, my one-of-a-kind, keeper husband dealt with them. He lovingly hand-washed the poop-soiled clothes before throwing them into the washing machine. He did this so many times.

I have huge admiration for dads who are very hands-on with their kids. Those who set aside time to take care of the kids so we, moms can be relieved of baby duties, get away or do our own thing and keep our sanity--just like my friend Lori's husband who happily takes care of Bianca while her mommy watches a movie with her friends or goes to the gym to get back in shape. Lucky her! And lucky me--I have one of those too! :-)

I also admire dads who stay home and be the kid's primary caregiver while the wife works full time. It's not because these husbands don't want to go to work, in fact I know how bad this is for their ego and morale. But they choose to do it because at the end of the day, it is the most practical and makes the most financial sense.

In this day and age where men and women have equal opportunities, I think it matters not who takes care of the kids. What matters is that the kids get adequate care and attention from both parents, including working parents like us. We only work an average of 8-10 hours a day, out of 24. There has to be plenty of time left.

Third Career

2011-06-16T17:06:00.000-07:00

Sample Photobook

There is nothing more fulfilling to me, a rookie photographer than to get a sweet message from a client expressing how much she loves the photos I took of her son and her family.

Juliet, a sister of a friend, asked me to take photos of her 5-month old son, Jerrod. She saw my photos of her niece in a banner and a "thank-you" card and loved them. She first asked if I was in the business and I just said "not really--not actively promoting it but I would do it if there is an opportunity". And so we made a deal. She followed up with an email, we worked out a schedule and we made it happen. The plan was to only have portraits taken of Jerrod but I suggested we might as well take family photos. I won't charge her extra for it. She said, "that would be nice, but I don't know how that will work. My older son will not cooperate."

3.5-year old Brandon

I spent about an hour and a half at their place. It was tough at first. Indeed, her older son did not want to work with us. They did everything they could to make him pose and smile--from promising him things to threatening him, those didn't work. He had a little Fisher-Price camera with him (which was a real digital camera) and said he wants to be the one taking photos. So I had to make another deal with him--I let him take my photos and I take his. He agreed. So I took a spot, smiled for him, struck several poses while he clicked away with his Fisher-Price camera. When all this was done, I said, "It's my turn!"
When the photos came out, I was pleased. My friend, the boy's aunt was shocked to see that his nephew actually did pose for me. She said, "Wow, really??? He posed for you?"

5-month old Jerrod

I don't normally include prints in the package. I don't want to deal with prints. I give electronic copies on a DVD and leave it up to the clients to have them printed. I give them recommendations on where to get prints. It's cheaper for them that way. But Juliet asked that I include prints so I did. It took a while for the prints to come back but it was worth the wait. The quality was so much better than the prints we could get form Walgreens or Costco.

Some pages of the sample Photobook

I gave Juliet a bonus Photobook too, which she didn't expect. And this blew her away! I had thought about creating a sample photobook and sell it as an add-on and saw an opportunity with Juliet's photos. She loved it so much that she insisted to pay for it. I nicely declined saying my brand is all over it, so she should keep it and show it off to her friends and family. That's all I asked in return. I think that was a good marketing move. A friend of hers, who is expecting has asked me to take photos of her baby when she comes out. Yay!

Another page from the book

Juliet thought I should make a career out of photography. I have thought about that, but I don't know that I have everything I need to pursue it--the tools, the time and the energy. But having it as a third career sounds doable. It'll have to be a third--third only to my being mom and my full-time job at Thomson.

We'll see how it goes. For now, I'll grab whatever opportunity comes my way, make the most of what I have and continue to be encouraged by happy clients like Juliet.

More photos of Juliet's baby and family are available at my Facebook Page.

Misty Saturday

2011-06-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

What gets me out of bed on a dark, rainy Saturday morning...

...the sweet aroma of freshly-brewed Kona coffee,

a stack of home-made waffles,

whipped cream and fresh fruit on top,

my boys up early,

and having a fun time!

All of these--not something I would want to miss.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!!!

Farewell... and Thank You

2011-05-20T02:05:00.000-07:00

They are leaving tonight, and I am sad. I am going to miss them terribly. In fact, I miss them already. This is the hardest part whenever they come visit--when I have to watch them leave. When I have to think about how much time I have to wait before I see them again. When I have to worry about them being far from us.

My parents never left us when we were younger. They raised us themselves, worked so hard to provide us with everything we need to get to where we are now. They wanted us to have a good future, and I think by now they are happy with where we are and what we have become. Sometimes, I feel so sad to have left the country--to have left them.

So long, Ma and Pa--at least for now. It won't be long until we see each other again. Next year, for sure. And I will be counting down--starting right here, right now. Safe travels! Thank you! We love you and we will miss you so much!

Locked In--For Freedom?

2011-05-20T01:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while at work, I received a panic call from my mom. Lucas locked himself in our bedroom (not his bedroom, but our master bedroom).

My parents are watching Lucas and Nathan this week. They are leaving and going back home this weekend. While Lucas was locked in, my mom was worried sick and got so paranoid. What if Lucas goes to the bathroom, plays in the toilet or fills the tub and drowns himself? I don't blame my mom for thinking this because there had indeed been reports of babies drowning in the toilet, believe it or not.

Charles was on his way home. His work is closer to home than mine. While waiting for Charles, my folks and Nathan kept knocking but Lucas wouldn't answer. They can hear him doing stuff inside. He wasn't crying. So mom and dad went out and looked through our bedroom window from the outside. They could see Lucas through a gap in the blinds. They saw that he was opening our dressers and drawers trying to find anything interesting. He would take stuff out of the drawers and put them back in. He was playing with things that we didn't allow him to play with--my watch, accessories, nail-clippers, etc.

Mom and dad started knocking the windows in a desperate attempt to get his attention and have him open the door. But he simply looked towards them, smiled, waived and said "Hi Mamu!!!", which really pissed my mom off (though I found it really cute!). It appeared that he was enjoying it. He was enjoying the freedom of touching and playing with anything he could get his hands on and nobody stopping him. Later, my mom saw him get on the elliptical trainer. This was dangerous and this got my mom even more worried.

So they knocked harder and started yelling at him. Nathan helped yell, "Cousin, open!!!" Until later, he started crying and opened the door. Charles arrived a few minutes after. Lucas was already out.

How it happened.
It was Lucas' nap time. Mom was trying to put him to sleep in our bedroom because my dad was putting Nathan to sleep in Lucas' room. We can't have them both in the same room. Otherwise, they'll never sleep. Lucas asked my mom for his comfy blanket and when my mom went out to get it, Lucas shut the door and locked it. I wonder if he deliberately did it to lock himself in so he can be by himself. He is at a very curious stage where he likes playing with our things more than his toys. He has outgrown his toys--he doesn't like them anymore. In fact, he now knows that his leap-top is not a real laptop and he prefers to play with our laptop. I wonder if he got tired of us telling him "Don't touch Mama or Papa's things", which is what we normally say when he starts messing around with our stuff.

Lucas has a mind of his own now, and he obviously is putting it to use. I may not like what he did--though I found it rather cute, but part of me is happy to know that he thinks, he explores, he learns, and as long as it doesn't do him any harm, sometimes I should let him have his way.

Remembering Tita Fely

2011-05-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

Today, one of my favorite aunts died. She is Tita Fely, also known to others as Sister Genevieve. She is my mom's older sister. She was only 68 years old and she had been sick for several years now.

When I think about Tita Fely, I remember the summers of my youth. My sister and I spent a lot of summers at her place in Bukidnon. She was a Pharmacist and she had a drugstore--the only drugstore in her part of the town, and it was right in front of the main bus terminal so it was always busy. Business was good for her.

We had spent the summer with her to help out with her business not only because she provided our supply of Enervon-C, but also because we like her a lot! She never got married nor had kids and she was so fond of us, her nieces and nephews. She gave us a lot of nice stuff. We would travel back and forth to Cagayan de Oro and Bukidnon and when we find ourselves in the big city, she would take us shopping and treat us to Jollibee.

Back at her place, she would feed us with nothing but fresh and organic produce--she had an abundance of them in her area, or so I recall. A farmer would bring us fresh cow's milk in the morning and because we couldn't drink all of it, Tita would use them to bake cakes, muffins and pies. We always had cake! And she was a goddess in the kitchen! Her cakes were always excellent! Her empanadas were the best I've had, and she made the juiciest and yummiest roasted chicken using her humungous turbo broiler that looked so cool to us back in the days.

Tita was so fond of jewelry and she had some really precious ones. Before my high school graduation, she handed me one of her favorite pieces--a gold ring with a dragon on it (because I was born in the year of the dragon). She told me she is not giving it to me. She just wanted me to hold it and take care of it for her. She said I can use it, but if I lose it I'll have to pay for it. I asked why she wanted me to keep it rather than just keep it herself. She said some people have shown interest in that ring. If they ask her for the ring, she might have difficulty saying no. Yes--she was very kind and generous. Also, she said, if anything happens to her, they'll just take the ring and get away with it. She didn't want that to happen. She also gave my sister another ring--one that had beautiful and colorful stones on it and one that reflected my sister's personality, and she said the same thing to her. We both promised her we'll take care of the rings for as long as she needed us to.

Years later, on one of my trips back home, I paid her a visit at a monastery where she lived for years before she died. She was already sick and bedridden then. I asked her the question which I already knew the answer to, "I still have your ring. Would you like to have it back or would you like me to keep holding it for you?" She cried hard while squeezing my hands and said, "No, keep it! It's yours."

I knew that she wanted my sister and I to have those rings, but she did it that way not because she was afraid something might happen to her or that some psycho would take it away. But she did that because she wanted to teach us a good lesson--that we can't easily have possessions unless we earn it. That we can't just own things the easy way, and most of all we can't take it from other people. We have to work hard to get what we want.

Tita Fely was a very hardworking, driven individual who built things from the ground up--a successful business that she single-handedly nurtured and strong relationships with people who loved and adored her until her very last breath. The universe wasn't so kind to her though, such that she got sick at a young age and suffered for almost half her lifetime. Things were rough for her physically and emotionally, but never spiritually. She remained strong in faith and love. And while her physical disabilities deprived her of the worldly goods that she would rather have enjoyed, she chose a life that allowed her to do what she still could--PRAY. Pray for us and for others. She joined the religious and devoted herself to a life of prayer.

I miss Tita so much, now more than ever. I still have her ring with me and it's one of my most treasured possessions. I would wear it everyday if only my fingers are as skinny as they used to be. I hope that one day I'll be able to wear it again so I am always reminded of her and the values she taught me. Nevertheless, she will always be close to my heart. The summers I spent in Bukidnon and the many good memories with her will remain in me for a long, long time.

Farewell, Tita Fely! Thank you and farewell. We celebrate your life more than we mourn your death, and we take comfort in the thought that you are now in a better place, a place with no pain and no suffering. Rest well. Rest in peace. We will not forget.

Godchildren

2011-05-01T17:22:00.000-07:00

Meet my new godchildren. Both of them were baptized this weekend--Sofia on Saturday and Zachary on Sunday.

This is Sofia Xochitl. She is my friend Josephine's first and only daughter. Her mom is Filipino and her dad is Mexican and she is oh-so-beautiful!!! She is named after a Mayan flower--Xochitl (Sowt-chil).

Before Sofie's baptism, I paid her a visit [for the first time since she was born]. I felt so bad that it took so long for me to see her, but my friend and I could not get to agree on a date that works for both of us. I was traveling so much and she was busy on the weekends.

She is 5 months old now and growing very beautifully. She is taller and heavier than most babies her age, despite the fact that she was born premature (only at 34 weeks).

And this is Zachary Liam, my nephew--son of my only brother, Richard and his wife Hannah. They live in Missouri but they came all the way to California to have Zach baptized here so we can all celebrate with them. Lucas and I met Zach for the first time a couple of weeks ago, when we traveled to Chicago and met my brother's family there.

We are so thrilled to welcome Zach to the family, and now to the Christian world. As his godmother, I will be helping his parents take care of him and guide him through the Christian faith. As his aunt, I will look out for him, just as I look out for Nathan and Lucas. Zach will be like a son to me, only he won't live with me. And I love him to pieces already.

Photography Means...

2011-04-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

A colleague and friend posted this on my Facebook wall today:

"Saw this quote and thought of you ~ Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever . . . it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything. ~ for the photos you capture, Liza!"

I am deeply humbled and moved by this simple but beautiful message she sent. I hardly consider myself a "photographer", and I've always aimed not to capture people and places and things. But moments, feelings and emotions. And because somebody thought of me when she saw such message, I would like to think that I have somehow achieved what I wanted to do.

***

Photo: One of my favorites--a photo I took of my sister-in-law and my new nephew last weekend. I am also learning how to create photocards in PS. I love scrapbooking, and I'm finding that digital scrapbooking is so much fun too! I am learning something new everyday.

Meet Sissy

2011-04-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

"Nice to meet you, Sissy!"

Sissy is my new assistant.
She arrived last week, when I was away traveling.
She gave me another reason to look forward to coming home.

I have been drooling for an iPad since it came out in the market. But if you are an Apple user like me, you will understand why I waited for the next generation to come out before getting one. Apple has a reputation of making the first release of a new product pretty basic and adding the nicer features in the second and subsequent releases.

I've only had Sissy for a few days and I like her so much already. I have yet to be convinced that she is worth every penny--I think she is too expensive for what she does, but I am happy with her regardless.

Why "Sissy"? It's my nickname for Assistant. Some people call their sisters "sissy". Well, Sissy is not only going to be an assistant. She is going to be a friend, a travel companion, a lounge buddy, one that I'll have coffee or tea with, and one that I may even keep secrets with. Just like a sister.

Countdown

2011-04-09T02:43:00.000-07:00

I am counting down...

   ... 0 days to my next long weekend (I took Monday off--Yay!)
   ... 3 days to meeting my new nephew, Zachary
   ... 7 days to a baby and family photoshoot
   ... 19 days (or less) to the arrival of my iPad2
   ... 20 days to a family reunion
   ... 21 days to the baptism of a new goddaughter
   ... 22 days to the baptism of a new godson/nephew
   ... 27 days to my next and much-needed vacation
   ... 46 days to my Lucas' 2nd birthday

There is so much to look forward to. I feel so blessed and overflowing with gratitude. God is good. I pray that He will make all these happen.

I hope you too, are looking forward to something nice, special or fun! Happy anticipating!

***

Photo: My dear nephew, Nathan, now almost two and a half. I adore him to pieces.

Getting There

2011-04-09T01:55:00.000-07:00

I am getting there

one step at a time,

one workout routine after another,

one healthy meal to the next.

My dear Abs,

Getting you toned is not impossible.

I just need to keep working on it, so be patient with me.

You know how much I hate exercise, but I'm doing it.

So I'm hoping you'll at least cooperate.

Show me some results so I am motivated to keep going.

Our goal is within arms reach, so giving up is no longer an option.

We can do this!

Love,

Will Power

An Eventful Weekend

2011-04-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

Pardon me for the overdue post. I was having such an eventful weekend, which I couldn't wait to blog about. But before I knew it, it was all over, I got caught up with work and travels, and just when I'm ready to blog about it, we are approaching the weekend yet again.

We had a house guest--our pal and Lucas' godfather, Walter. He came to the US on business and stayed with us for a few days. Lucas is so fond of him and talks to him like they've known each other for so long.

We took "Ninong Walter" to dinner Friday night at this charming restaurant called Buckeye Roadhouse--one of our favorites in Marin. We had to come for an early reservation because this place can get packed at dinner time.

Lucas was fairly well-behaved that night. The crayons and coloring pad did the trick.

While waiting for dinner, I treated myself to a glass of Appletini.

We had fried calamari and baked oysters for starters.

There were too many good dinner choices in the menu.

Walter went for skirt steak,

while Charles and I ordered the same thing--Braised Lamb Shank in a bed of couscous. It was perfectly done.

Lucas got his own dinner too--Hotdog with fries.

He didn't finish the hotdog but ate almost all of the fries.

The following day, my sister and her family joined us for the weekend too. Nathan and Lucas are always happy to see each other. Lucas wouldn't go to sleep at all when Cousin Nathan is around and he is always in a good mood.

While Charles and my brother-in-law John went to see the Warriors win over the Mavericks live in Oakland, my friend Cindy and her family paid us a visit and joined us for dinner. They drove 8 hours all the way from San Diego to the Bay Area. It was wonderful to see Cindy and her girls again! And it was nice seeing Cindy's husband Doy and meeting his parents for the first time.

Lucas calls her "Tita Cindy Gwapa!"

They got along pretty well--these kids. Ate Emma didn't mind playing with Lucas' toys. Ate Ella was more quiet and she preferred to hang out with the older ones.

Lucas remembers them very well. Until now, when he sees this photo he'd yell "Tito Doy! Ate Ella!"

Ate Ella is one sweet girl. Pretty soon she's going to be a lady, and a very beautiful one I'm sure!

Nathan stole the show. He was dancing to our chants and was loving the attention!

He also kept posing for me and Cindy, and would check out our photos after we took each one of them!

Ate Emma did the same--she danced with Nathan. She is so much fun to play with!

A group shot before they left.

It was fun having them around. Cindy and I had very little time to catch up and share photo tips, but I did learn a lot. Wish we had more time. Maybe we'll pay them a visit in San Diego this summer--we'll see.

I love having house guests over. It brings merriment to our humble place. So I'm thankful to my sister who comes with her family whenever they can. I miss them when they're not around. I'm also grateful to Walter and Cindy's family for sharing some time with us and for adding fun to our weekend.

In the next two months, our weekends have been planned out, but I am excited for each one of them.

What's for Brunch?

2011-04-02T17:09:00.000-07:00

I love breakfast food. I can have breakfast food even for lunch or dinner and I'm a happy bee! To me, breakfast food is the ultimate comfort food. Unfortunately, I can't have anything for breakfast on weekdays other than bread, bagels or oatmeal because there's just no time to prepare breakfast before work.

So on weekends, I look forward to making breakfast food for brunch.

Last week, I made omelette. This looked so colorful so I just had to take a photo.

The finished product. The photo reminds me of thin-crust pizza, which I miss by the way. Haven't had pizza in a while.

Also made some waffles and topped it with strawberries and banana. It's perfect with some turkey bacon.

Charles wanted his waffles plain. No syrup, no butter, no toppings. Just plain waffle goodness.

These strawberries were super fresh and juicy! They were just delivered from the farm that morning when Charles picked them up from the groceries.

This week, we opted for a less healthy breakfast--rice, eggs, corned beef and this sinfully delicious longanisa! Have to feed that craving once in a while.

Of course, brunch won't be complete without some delicious, freshly brewed coffee. Enjoy your meals this weekend, everyone! :-)

Age Is Not Just A Number

2011-04-01T00:40:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl and until I became a teenager, I wished I would get older fast. I couldn't wait to go out with somebody (my parents were so strict--they didn't allow me and my sister to see anybody until after college). I couldn't wait to have a job and earn my own money so I won't have to ask my parents for it and I can buy whatever I want. I couldn't wait to make my own decisions, run my own household and be in any place I want to be.

I lived a happy childhood and God knows I love my family to pieces, so I wasn't looking at getting away from them. But I think I was born independent and at some point I just yearned to be unleashed, be out and about seeking adventures and exploring the unknown.

Now, I've lived almost half my lifetime (I don't expect to live longer than 80). I am independent, happily married, earning my own money and making decisions. Yet this past few weeks, I couldn't help but wish I was younger--much, much younger.

I was looking for something from my archives and came across old photos from 6-8 years ago, and I couldn't believe how much I have changed and aged. I was slim and sexy then, I had shiny black hair and a beautiful skin. I dressed weird but back then it wasn't that weird. I had inexpensive things but I was happy with them. I looked so carefree and I had a smirk that said, "I am not responsible for anyone. I am just having the time of my life!"

Back then, I was also constantly looking for opportunities and pursuing them. I was driven and very competitive. I had a head full of fresh ideas and I was determined to be successful.

I guess my youth consumed all of my energy and great physical attributes and now I'm left with very little of them. Last night, I spent almost half an hour and another half this morning plucking gray hair, getting rid of blackheads, counting laugh lines, holes and dents in my face and trying to figure out a red blemish that just myteriously appeared out of nowhere.

I am struggling to lose my excess weight even with diet and regular exercise, when in the past all it took to get beach ready is a week of exercise and giving up of dessert. I got posture lessons from the husband who was trying to help me conceal my big drooping belly and not look like 4 months pregnant.

I get annoyed quite easily and I have a hard time controlling my temper when I read emails in the morning and somebody at work says or does something stupid. I keep forgetting stuff and missing meeting appointments even with my Outlook calendar opened right in front of me. I know I'm not as sharp as I used to be when it comes to learning new things. I used to be really good at multi-tasking--listening to two or more people speaking to me at the same time while I do other things and I'm still able to absorb all of it. Now, I can see the frustration in my younger staff's face when they try to explain something and it's taking me a while to pick up. I used to be a machine, now I sometimes feel like junk.

Part of it is laziness, I know. But part of it is age. Laziness I can overcome, but not age. Some say age is just a number--I'm not so sure I believe in that. Some people are so good at slowing it down and others don't do as well. But bottomline is, aging happens to all of us whether we like it or not. And when we age, we age. There is no stopping it.

Getting old is sad and I think the only way to overcome the sadness of aging is by always having a positive attitude and doing something good about it. Like doing what makes us happy and staying away, if at all possible, from things that annoy us. Living a healthy life. Reading more and learning new things, even when it gets harder to remember. Playing with kids and learning to be more patient with them. Smiling more and worrying less.

Then again, it's easy to outline the things we need to do. Actually doing it is the real challenge. In my case, I just hope the universe will cooperate with me and shape my life's events such that they will allow me to stay positive and happy. This won't change the way I look, but I think it will change the way I feel about aging.

Because right now, I am a 35-year old who feels like 60.

***

Photo: An antique lamp at the Green Valley Ranch, Nevada. Taken August 2010.

Fallen

2011-03-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

As we walk our path of life,

We meet people everyday.

Most are simply met by chance.

But some are sent our way.

These become special friends

Whose bond we can't explain,

The ones who understand us

And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.

So even when we are apart.

Their presence enhances us

With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,

When even the miles disappear.

And so these friends,

God sends our way,

Remain forever near.

The poem above from an unknown author was sent by my colleague to the family of another colleague who recently lost his life in a tragic shooting and hostage incident in Tikrit, Iraq. He was a Reuters photographer and journalist who was reporting on gunmen attacking a local government building in the area. He was shot and killed along with 52 other people and a hundred other injured (it was all over the news yesterday).

Today, our entire company spent 5 minutes of silence--no calls, no meetings, no talking with anybody, to pay tribute to a fallen colleague and say a prayer for his grieving family.

I didn't know him, of course, but this message from his manager brought me and I'm sure so many others to tears: “When I worked with him, at a time when Iraq seemed to be descending ever deeper into bloody chaos, life to Sabah seemed somehow joyful. I remember him showing up late one night, unannounced, at the Reuters bureau in Baghdad which felt under siege. It was Dec. 31 but we had little cause to celebrate. What brought him down to the city on a frightening night like this, we asked. 'Happy New Year!' he laughed, offering presents all around. It was a generosity in Sabah which we shall all remember amid the sadness.”

His name was Sabah al-Bazee, only 30 years old and he died doing his job--capturing a story so we all would know what's happening in his side of the world. He was the third Reuters journalist who died tragically in the line of duty in the last 12 months.

It is heartbreaking to see people die through natural disasters like earthquakes and tsunamis, but it's more heartbreaking to see people die in the hands of fellow mankind, in the midst of violence, greed and unresolved conflicts.

Airbrushing

2011-03-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

What to do on a lazy Saturday morning?

It's raining outside. It's been non-stop since this morning. The weather forecast says we're supposed to have a storm. I guess it's not the kind of storm that comes with strong winds, just rain and lots of it.

Lucas is napping right now. He woke up very early today so my plan to sleep in didn't happen at all. It wasn't his usual waking up time so immediately after breakfast, he went right back to sleep. He normally naps for 3 hours, so when he wakes up it will be just about time for his swim class.

So when there's not much to do outside, here I am catching up on blogs, Facebook and editing some old photos while learning some new techniques.

sooc

This photo was taken by Charles. One day, my boss asked me for a headshot. The good thing about us photography enthusiasts is that we can have new and updated headshots anytime we want. In the past, it would have taken me time and money to have this done at a studio and you can't redo it once it's done without paying more money. Now, I just find a clean wall, stand in front of it and have somebody take the shot. Even our friends benefit from it. Charles did somebody's passport photo a few weeks ago.

enhanced

I'm also learning how to airbrush. I've never done it before because every time I try, the photo ends up looking so fake. This one I think isn't so bad, though I hate what the sharpening tools did to this photo. It added noise to the areas I sharpened and I couldn't get rid of them. Tips, anyone?

New Recruit

2011-03-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

Charles, meet MacBook Pro...

MacBook Pro, meet Charles!

This arrived today. Not mine, but the hubby's. Though this is one of those things I would gladly consider "conjugal properties" (grin)! He promised I can borrow.

Finally, he who was a big fan of IBM Thinkpad (now Lenovo), and has probably been a PC user almost all his life, is now a Mac-convert. He is my newest recruit to the world of Mac. I've been asking him to convert for some time now. A year ago he was looking at getting a new laptop. I started nudging him to get a MacBook but he refused and got another PC instead. This time, he finally decided it was time to switch. Whatever the reason is, I'd like to take credit for it. ;-)

I have nothing against PC. It works just fine. But to me, Mac is a no-brainer. Mac and I are a match made in heaven. If I were to pay for a computer, I'd pay for anything Apple. I use PC at work because I don't pay for it.

Charles, on the other hand, would look at all possible options and factors first before buying. And I have to admit--Mac doesn't always make the most sense, technically and financially. But I go with it because it feels right.

It's only the first day and he's already loving it. It's light, slick, trendy and smart. The more he uses it, I'm sure he'll love it more. I just hope I can still get my hands on it. Soon. I can't wait!

Losing

2011-03-20T01:18:00.000-07:00

Seeing my friend Lori at her baby shower gave me a reality check about my weight. I know I gained a lot since I stopped breastfeeding Lucas and I haven't been back to shape since then. I knew all along that I needed to lose some weight. I worked on it quite a few times, but I haven't tried that hard to be consistent. I thought I looked ok--not great, but ok.

Yet I couldn't believe that my 8-month pregnant friend looked even slimmer standing next to me! Years ago, we spent long weekends together. We would try on each others' clothes. We would look at ourselves in the mirror wearing our bikinis or underwears and we would marvel at how our bodies were shaped very much alike. We weighed about the same for a long time, but that has changed in the last couple of years.

We both love to eat! But my friend maintains an active lifestyle and I don't. Like me, she also hates exercising and going to the gym. But she pushes herself to go to cardio and dance classes to stay active. I tried that one too and it worked. I shed off pounds dancing, but that success was short-lived because when I later found an excuse to quit, I did.

Now there are no more excuses (well, there never really was). I resolve to slim down and I am committed to achieving that. It's been four weeks now since I added exercise back into my routine and I am happy to report that I have lost about 5 pounds. I have just stepped below the 130-lb mark.

My goal is to hit 120 lbs. It ain't going to be easy. But if I'm halfway there in 3 months, I am a happy camper! It helps to have the support of people around me, like the husband who happily watches Lucas while I work out, and throws compliments when he too sees the results. And seeing results is even more encouraging. Early this week, I wore a favorite suit that I had not worn since I was 4 months pregnant. I can see and feel a few inches coming off my waist and my energy level is definitely up.

No efforts stay unrewarded--this I keep in mind these days. I sure hope I can keep up this time around and feel good about my body once again.

Photos will help me track progress (or the lack thereof)

Choice

2011-03-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

This week, I turned down a potential job offer--a job that would have paid about the same but should be less demanding than the one I have now. It is one that would have allowed me to travel less and spend more time at home, and one that is not likely to make me and my family move to another state.

I still think about whether or not I made the right choice. I do feel comfortable about the job I have now, but sometimes comfortable to me isn't always good. I get bored pretty easily and I am one who prefers new challenges than routines. Sometimes I like going out of my comfort zone to try something different. I embrace changes with wide-open arms.

But this time, I feel that staying where I am made the most sense. It is not easy what I do--in fact, it is exhausting at times. But here I think is where I have more opportunities to grow and be a better person.

Sometimes we forget how great it is that God gave us the gift of choice, the freedom to choose our way of life. I know some people in other parts of the world and under some circumstances, don't have as much choices as we do. I feel so lucky that while some people have found their companies shutting doors on them, one opened its door on me. And I can only hope that whoever lands that job is one among the many who are in need of it.

Dearest Chichi

2011-03-06T00:33:00.000-08:00

Dearest Chichi,

Ten years ago, I knew you as a colleague and a leader. You weren't my boss but I looked up to you as such because (1) I hated my boss and I wished I was in your team instead, and (2) I saw how effective you were at managing your people. I once said to myself, "I want to be like her someday--someone that people look up to, someone very well-respected, one who can laugh and joke around with the team and yet still take charge so not under any circumstances one would mess with you!"

I have to admit that you intimidated me. You are so smart that I had to tiptoe in front of you so I won't say or do something stupid. I had to behave myself every time you came to the US office because I wanted you to see only the good in me and not the bad, afraid that you would judge me or think of me as one of those young and inexperienced, too eager to conquer the world yet too clueless of life's realities that lies shortly ahead.

But the more I knew you, I learned how young you are at heart, how you sometimes like what we mere humans like, how you love to dance, how humble you are at admitting that you'd rather wash dishes than cook, and how you have a soft spot for your kids and for the many people that you care about.

It never dawned on me that someday we would still be talking and exchanging messages and reading each other's journals. But after all that I've done and all that I've been through, you were one of those who remained supportive. You understood my choices and stood by me when others didn't. I made many mistakes yet I never saw you pointing a finger at me.

So how can I forget? How can I not be grateful to you for treating me the way you treat me? How can I not be humbled that the person I look up to reads my blogs, makes my photo one of her favorites, sends encouraging and flattering comments on my Facebook page, and appreciates what I do as a woman, a worker and a mother.

I still look to you as a colleague and a leader--that will never change. But now I also look to you as a good friend, an inspiration, a mentor, a great coach, a light at the end of a tunnel, a rainbow after a storm, a dream come true! You are farther from us than you've ever been, yet you've never felt closer. And for this, I couldn't thank you enough.

Happy Birthday, Chichi! My wish for you is that you'll find whatever it is you're seeking for. I think you may already have. And that every single one of those things in your reveries be yours one of these days.

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and THANK YOU for being the wonderful person that you are!

Sincerely,
Liza

The Sweetest Thing

2011-02-25T23:26:00.000-08:00

This morning -- after I hopped out of the shower and was preparing to go to work, Lucas came in to the room with a pink flower in his hand. He looked up to me, handed me the flower and said, "I love you, Mama!"

My heart leaped! My spirit soared! For a second there I thought it wasn't real or maybe I misheard what he said, so I asked, "unsa to Long?" and again, he said "I love you, Mama" still trying to hand me that flower. I immediately knelt down, took the flower from his hand, hugged him really tight and gave him lots and lots of kisses. Right outside the room, I could hear Charles shriek with excitement as he told Grandma Nana what Lucas just did. He heard it too! I could not believe it.

Lucas picked the flower the day before while he and Grandma N were doing their little stroll in the yard. I was working from home. I saw him play with the flower but I didn't pay much attention because I was on a call. Later he handed it to me saying "Flower!" I only learned this morning that when they picked the flower yesterday, Grandma N taught him to hand it to me as soon as they got back in the house and to say "I love you, Mama". I was busy working so that didn't happen.

This morning when he woke up, he saw the flower, grabbed it and did just the sweetest thing he has ever done. Only this time, Grandma N didn't ask him to. He just remembered to do it himself.

I'll remember this day as the day Lucas first said "I love you" to me. He has said it before quite a few times--mostly when we put him to bed, but only after we ask him to or after we say it to him first and he'd repeat after us. This is the first time he said it on his own. And the flower that came with it just made it even sweeter.

I love you too, Lucas! You made my day and you made me the happiest person in the planet right that very moment. My boy, I will remember this day forever. ~Mama

Homemaking and Lucas

2011-02-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was all about homemaking. It was about staying in, cleaning and tidying up the house especially our bedroom--the very part that's been most neglected. And the living room--one that looked like it was hit by a tornado with Lucas' toys and books scattered all over the place.

I never liked cleaning. I would rather do every other task in the house than clean. But I can't stand a dirty house either, especially when there is a baby in it. Hence, cleaning no longer becomes a matter of choice. It is something I have to do, unless I am willing to pay for cleaners.

I did a lot of cooking over the weekend too. In fact, I think I cooked way too much food. This is what happens after I go grocery shopping. I get so many ideas of what to cook when I'm in the store so I buy a lot. When I get home, I couldn't decide which one to make first so I sometimes end up making all of them. But that's ok, we seldom waste food because we eat our leftovers and I sometimes make a new dish out of them--like this turkey noodle soup shown here, which I made out of leftover turkey from dinner a couple of nights ago. I paired it with some ciabatta baguette for a light, delicious lunch.

Today--the last day of my long weekend, I did nothing but play with Lucas. I was so looking forward to another alone time with him. We both had a grand time. I showed him how to play with jigsaw puzzles and he was cheering me on while I tried to put together the pieces. Sometimes he would hide a piece, in the trunk of his toy car or in between the pages of his book or in pockets and slits of his other toys. I pretended not to see when and where he hid the pieces but I'd say "Oh no! I am missing a piece. Did you see it, Lucas?" He would start giggling as he unhides the pieces and brings them over to me. It was fun!

Lucas also napped for four hours today so I got to have some "me" time, which I spent watching a movie, checking my emails and cooking some more.

This was the weekend that I had hoped for. No work, no parties, no big plans. Weekends as good as this make me want to just stay home and be a full-time homemaker, wife and mom. Then again, this isn't always the case. I know days aren't always lovely, quiet and relaxing. Lucas isn't always this playful. He can also be troublesome, difficult and fussy! And I hate to admit, but there are days too when I would rather just be at work. And I am thankful that there is that side of the equation that keeps things in almost perfect balance.

Because at the end of the day, to me, balance is what it takes to keep me happy. :-)

Looking Forward...

2011-02-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

... to a long weekend without any plans other than stay home and spend time with family, and just do whatever it is we have the appetite for.

... to two weeks of being home, of no traveling and of seeing Lucas every single day.

... to watching movies with the husband while the little one takes his naps (my movie rentals have been around for weeks now).

... to grocery shopping, cooking and having meals with my family.

... to sunny days after a week of rain.

... to holding my camera again and snapping at just about anything and anyone.

... to Facebooking and blogging and reading my favorite blogs.

... to just being mom, wife, sister, daughter, cousin and friend.

After almost three weeks of traveling and crazy days at work and resolving matters with some crazy people who made an attempt to stir up our quiet, normal lives, being back at base and doing the things that I love doing everyday--at home and at work, is just like being in a wonderful, well-deserved vacation.

Big Idea

2011-01-29T21:19:00.000-08:00

It takes me an hour each day to drive 25 miles to work--an hour I spend thinking about what my day is going to be like. Who I'll be meeting. What my priorities are. Deadlines, deliverables and everything I need to accomplish at the end of the day. Thinking about my day at the start of each one helps me get organized, focused and quick to respond in the event that things don't turn out the way they should.

On my drive back home, I think about how I'm going to spend the night. What I will make for dinner. Will I have enough time to take Lucas [and myself] out for a walk (this rarely happened during the winter because it's normally dark by the time I get home). How Lucas had been--how his day was and what, if anything, did he learn. What to do after Lucas goes to bed--should I watch TV or one of my Netflix movies? Should I just surf or blog or read other people's blogs and Facebook posts? Most of the time, I think about sleeping early yet I always end up staying late.

For the most part, my life is made up of routines. But lately there is one thing that I changed and that is the way I spend my commute hour to work. Instead of thinking about my work day, I think way far ahead--about my future, about what my life is like ten years from now. I'd like for it to change a bit. I'd like to be spending more time with my son, yet still have a career. I'd still like to be traveling a lot. But maybe to different places every time, instead of going to one, cold and sad little town over and over again.

And if I may be allowed here to be bold and ambitious for a second, I'd like to see me working for myself. Or working side by side with the hubby, running our own business. Perhaps growing something that we started ourselves. It doesn't have to be big, but it's ours.

So how do I get started? What's the big idea that can get me there? One big idea--and that's all it really takes! Problem is, I don't know what it is. Hopefully, this one big idea will come to me one of these days. Who knows? Perhaps that one commute hour each day I spend ideating--it just might change my life forever! Who knows...

:-)

Photo: Lucas' colorful cups. They're so cute and the colors are so much fun, Lucas plays with them.

A Reminder to Self

2011-01-29T00:51:00.000-08:00

I need to eat healthy.

I need to exercise more.

I need to get this big, fat bottom of mine off the chair and take a walk at lunch break.

I need to drink more water. Not soda. Not juice. Just water.

I need to sleep longer.

And finally...

I need to stop saying and start doing all these!

This Weekend...

2011-01-22T00:24:00.000-08:00

... we have three birthday party invitations. I think we can only go to two.

... my parents, my sister and my nephew are visiting. I am very excited to see them again!

... I need to get a hold of an iPad (even for just a couple of hours) to test something out. Who can lend me one? Hehe...

... I will finally watch Inception--the movie that confused yet amazed many of its viewers.

... Lucas will be missing swim class for the second time around (but he will be with other kids at a children's party, so that won't be too bad I guess...)

... I need to rest, rest and rest. Yesterday, I had a really awful muscle and back pain. I can't find any possible cause but fatigue.

... I will be packing and shipping baby stuff to my brother.

... I will be with my family all the time! Yoohoo! :-)

Happy Weekend, Everyone!

Changes

2011-01-20T00:21:00.000-08:00

As I pulled the car into the garage that night, there was Lucas with his dad waiting by the door. The little one's face gleamed like moonlight. He was wearing his biggest smile. And his eyes, looking even smaller than they are, smiled along as he giggled and called out "Mama!". My little boy was welcoming me home once again.

A few days ago, I blogged about my new year wishes and one of them was to travel less for work and more for pleasure. Well, so much for that! Only two weeks after the new year, I was already out four days in a week working two thousand miles away from home. I came home Thursday night and I had to fly again on Friday to throw a baby shower for a dear friend.

Lucas is growing up so fast and I worry that I'll miss out on a lot of his progress by being away that often. I worry that he will learn something new and I won't see it unfold. I worry that he will tire of waiting for me to come home and decide he won't wait for me any longer. I worry that we won't be good friends because I am not always there to listen to him and teach him lessons. He already missed swim class because I wasn't there to take him to the pool.

Sometimes I wish quitting work was easy. Right now, it's not even an option. And I don't know how much of the traveling I can cut. I guess the best I can do is be there for him whenever possible. When I'm not traveling, I want to be the first person he sees when he wakes up in the morning and the last person he sees before he goes to sleep. No more TV, internet, hobbies and any unfinished work brought home until Lucas goes to bed. He comes first before any of those. I often find myself turning to my computer when Lucas is occupied, and I get so absorbed by what I do that sometimes I would hardly notice him come close. He would just sneak up to me and say "Hi Mama!" And oh, he now knows how to say "mama busy", and it breaks my heart every time he says that.

He is very quick to respond when I call out his name, as if he has always been waiting for me to call him. He wastes no time running to me with open arms, and gives me a big hug and a squeeze whenever I ask him to come to mama. He wastes no time even when he's in the middle of something--be it playing or flipping through his books, or watching his favorite show. Why can't I do the same for him? Everything else can wait, but my little boy doesn't have to.

Wishing

2011-01-07T21:24:00.000-08:00

This year, I wish...

...that Lucas will eat more, drink more milk and stay healthy.

...that I will travel less for work and more for pleasure (I think this is the hardest to accomplish).

...for my sister to finally get her green card process started.

...to make more money (who doesn't want more money?)

...for more people to pay for my photographs.

...to go home to the Philippines.

...for a MacBook Pro.

...for a safe delivery of my brother's baby, and for a healthy baby too.

...to wear a bikini again and not be ashamed of it.

...to meet at least one of my cyber friends in person.

...for another holiday with my parents.

All of these wishes are achievable with discipline, hard work, prayer and a little bit of luck. I hope to achieve even half of them. But if God grants me all of them, then what a wonderful year it would be! :-)

***

Photo: My mom believes in good luck. So back home, she would have thirteen kinds of round fruit every New Year, supposedly for good luck and prosperity. My sister carried that tradition, so this New Year she had thirteen different kinds of fruit--only, not all of them were round.

Celebrated

2011-01-05T23:25:00.000-08:00

I wish we had birthdays instead of just a birthday in any given year. I don't want this day to end, but in less than an hour it will be over whether I like it or not.

I've always enjoyed my birthdays regardless of how I spent them. When I was younger, I always look forward to my birthday, but now that I'm older I don't necessarily do. The thought of me aging somehow makes me sad. But when the day comes, I find myself celebrating in one way or another. Somehow, I or someone else finds a way to make it special. I don't recall ever being alone on my birthday. I always spend it with somebody I love.

Today, I was overwhelmed with greetings. Don't you just love Facebook?! I won't deny how much I am loving the attention. I know most of my friends probably just saw the reminder and took a few seconds to type in "Happy Birthday" and some wishes on my wall. But the important thing is that they took a few precious seconds to do it and that alone, to me, is thoughtfulness! Thoughtfulness that I so appreciate and I express my gratitude by also taking the time to say "Thank you!" to each and everyone of them.

Of course, I know of a few who always remember with or without a Facebook reminder and to them I'll always be grateful.

I think birthdays are important and should be celebrated. It doesn't have to be fancy. It can be a trip to church with somebody, sharing cupcakes with a few friends, lunch or drinks with a couple of colleagues or just a quiet dinner with family.

Today, I celebrated mine. I started my day early at work. My team took me out to lunch at a restaurant called The Stinking Rose (they have garlic in pretty much everything on their menu). The restaurant staff sang the "Happy Birthday" song and called me a "Little Stinker"! They had me blow what I would call "vampire candles" because they remind me of those candles I see in vampire movies. I left work early and just played with Lucas while waiting for Charles to get home. My family then took me to a nice dinner at my favorite local seafood restaurant, The Seafood Peddler. They got me a cake too! And it's huge for three and a half people (my dad is diabetic so he can't have cake). The day ends with my late-night snack of Pancit and Puto-Maya, lovingly prepared for me by mom.

I thank God for such a happy day, for my little family, for my mom and dad who I don't always get to spend my birthday with. I was graced with their presence today. I thank him for all my friends and relatives who made me smile and touched me deeply with their thoughtfulness. I thank Him for my dear husband who made quite an effort to make my day special and for my little beloved who tried hard to say "Bidday Mommy!" (Happy Birthday, Mommy) though he probably didn't understand what it meant. Most of all, I thank God for 35 amazing years! They were all so amazing that I wish God will double them and let me live through to 70!

I wish and pray for more birthdays to come for me and everyone I hold dear.

Our Christmas in Photos

2010-12-30T01:48:00.000-08:00

Following my Christmas story, I just want to share some of our celebration photos here...

We all love family portraits. We would have one every chance we get. This year, our theme is Red,

and Gold.

Although my sister and her family were hosting Christmas dinner, I prepared most of the food because she was supposed to be working that day. She requested a time off and got approved at the last minute. Thank you, Lord! It's a gift in itself to have my sister join us for Christmas dinner.

This was a special request from my brother-in-law. He has tried my Cioppino before and loved it. I've made this dish a few times in the past, but I continue to look for other recipes of this same dish from other chefs and integrate them with the recipe that I used to follow, creating a unique one. This turned out better than the ones I've made before. I made two of these pots, yet there was hardly any leftovers.

My sister bought Honeybaked Ham. Gotta have a good ham on Christmas! Behind that ham is my mom's Bibingka. It was the only Filipino food we had that night and we couldn't have enough of it! My preggy sister-in-law was devouring it like crazy!

Sis made Spanish Rice too. It's like Paella minus the seafood and chorizo. It only had vegetables on it with the rice. It was yummy!

The two little ones couldn't get their hands off the gifts.

They enjoyed distributing the gifts to all of us. They were so cute--like Santa's little elves! Haha!

I wish that when they grow up, they will look out for each other and be the best buddies!

The matching jacket and pants, as well as the shoes were a gift from my brother, Richard. He had Kobe and Lebron in mind when he got them these. But look--the colors matched our themes! That was purely coincidence.

Nathan just goofing around with Tito Richard's iPhone the day after. Like us, he is fascinated with electronics.

Together This Christmas

2010-12-29T15:58:00.000-08:00

Every year since I was born until the year 1999, I spent every single Christmas and New Year with my immediate family. We would all come home to Bohol and spend Christmas together. This was a big deal for my parents. And for us their children, it had somehow become an obligation so that wherever we were in the planet, we always made sure we were home during the holidays. Luckily, we were all in the Philippines back then--my sister was working in Makati, I in Cebu and my brother was in still in college in Dumaguete. So traveling home to Bohol was fairly easy.

I enjoyed every single Christmas I had. We all went to Simbang Gabi and there would always be eating after that--sikwate and puto or biko is what I can remember the most. On Christmas Eve, mom would always prepare good food--the kind that we normally wouldn't have throughout the year: a good ham, roasted or fried chicken, seasonal fruit like Grapes and Fuji Apples (these were seasonal for us because we only had them during Christmas), and Spaghetti--there was always Spaghetti because this was my little brother's favorite. We would go to church around midnight and then feast on what mom prepared after the mass.

Mom and dad would have gifts for us, but they were always something that they made rather than bought. They weren't fancy but they always put a smile in our faces. The one gift I remember the most was my first bathing suit. I had always wanted to wear a bathing suit, and not some shorts and t-shirts to the beach, but mom didn't let me have it until I was 16. And so she gave it to me as a Christmas gift before I turned 17. I still have a photo of me wearing it in my room back home.

On Christmas Day, we would all drive up to Loon, my parents' hometown located about 18 miles north of Tagbilaran City. We'd spend the day with grandparents and relatives from both sides. After our grandparents passed away, my parents continued this tradition of going there on Christmas Day, this time spending the day with the town's people, feeding children and giving away used clothing and shoes. I learned recently that this is something that a lot of people over there anticipate every year and I want to be able to go there myself one of these days.

I couldn't really say that back then I didn't want to change the way I spent Christmas. I was, in fact, quite excited to spend Christmas some place else--somewhere more festive and maybe somewhere with snow! But I guess the saying holds true that you won't miss something until you lose it, and for the past 10 or so years, I did lose my ability to spend Christmas at home with my family. 1999 was my last. I left home in 2000 and I was in a line of work that prevented me from coming home in December. I missed home and I missed my family terribly, especially on Christmas.

Two years ago, my parents had the opportunity to visit us here and spend Christmas with us. My sister and my brother also came. And just like that--we were spending Christmas together once again, after almost 10 long years. That was a dream come true and something that I would like to go on every year for as long as we all live. I think it's hardly possible but I hope and I know that all of us in the family will make an effort to let it happen.

This year, we were blessed again with a visit from my parents--one that I would consider my best Christmas gift. I am able to spend Christmas with the entire family again! And to add to that--the family is growing. We now have two little boys and one more little boy soon joining the brood.

Christmas here is so different. It is not as festive as I originally thought. We have a day off from work, not a week or more like we have back home. We have Simbang Gabi for 3 nights instead of 9, and only in churches with Filipino parishioners (there's very few of them in our area). There are no Christmas carolers. There is no midnight mass so we go to church on Christmas Day. We don't get snow where we are, though it's still awfully cold. But some things remain the same. We prepare a special dinner on Christmas Eve with good food and a good bottle of wine. We have gifts for everyone. We celebrate Noche Buena just talking, laughing, sharing stories, sometimes singing and dancing, and playing games with the little ones until they fall asleep. The rest of us stay awake until the wee hours of the morning.

We have a added a few things to the tradition as well. Each of us women prepare a special dish. This is optional for my mom because although she is undoubtedly the best cook among all of us, it is our turn to cook for her. There will be lots of picture-taking! We'd like to have a family portrait every year and we will have themes. This year is red and gold. My brother has a cool idea for next year's theme, which I am very excited about. Back then, we didn't have a camera so our Christmas memories are all in our minds. We want to have something to show our kids and grandkids going forward so they can see how we celebrated Christmas through the years.

I still miss home and the way we spent Christmas over there. But I am very happy nonetheless. Because all I really want for Christmas is to spend it with the people I love the most, and I am grateful--enormously grateful that I got to do that this year!

Thank You and Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-24T00:26:00.000-08:00

To you, my friends, who have inspired us, helped us, wished us well, prayed for us and touched our lives in one way or another, what better time than now to say "Thank You!" and wish you and yours a merry Christmas and a New Year filled with promise, hope and big dreams coming true!

Happy Cheers from my family to yours!!!

Thank You!

2010-12-18T01:13:00.000-08:00

{PJ and Pamela - new friends from Missouri who trusted me with their photos}

I have always wanted to ask Aileen how she post-processes her photos. I really like how she does them. The subject comes out perfectly sharp (though I’m sure this has more to do with how she took the photos than how she processed them). The effects are visible yet subtle in such a way that the true colors are still predominantly there (unless of course, she turns them to monochrome). And there is something in them that tells me “these are signature Aileey Siroy photos” the moment I see them in Facebook even as thumbnails.

So when I came across her Tagaytay Wedding album, I just had to ask, thinking maybe she’ll give me a tip or two. I told her that I would completely understand if she says “no”. But she not only gave me tips. She sent me a set of actions and taught me how to use them. She told me which ones she likes the most and which one she used for one particular photo that I asked her about.

I went crazy after that—spending hours playing around with my new-found tools. Thanks to Aileen, I even managed to fix photos that I thought were unusable because they were too overexposed their colors were completely washed out.

Aileen didn’t have to do what she did. As a professional, she has the rights to her own recipe and didn’t have to share the secret spices. She said she works with a lot of pros who tell her not to share her techniques, but she feels better sharing. She said she is happier that way.

I have always admired Aileen for her beauty, her talent and her wits. But now I know why she is beloved by many and I think that’s because of her kindness and generosity. She is a good soul!

Thank you, AILEEN SIROY for teaching and inspiring. I feel lucky to have known you and I wish that someday, hopefully soon, I will finally meet you in person.

Sharing more photos here...

{The windy city of Chicago, Illinois}

{Chicago skyline by night}

{My sister-in-law, Hannah at six months}

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T23:03:00.000-08:00

Today, on Thanksgiving Day, someone dear to me and Charles lost her battle against cancer. While we grieve her passing, we are also reminded that life is a constant celebration--of a journey that each of us is given the opportunity to embark on.

So today, and always, I am most thankful for the gift of life and everything that comes with it--the joys and pains, the gains and losses, the triumphs and tribulations and all that it offers.

Thank you, God! Thank you, Universe! Thank you!

I belong...

2010-11-23T01:22:00.000-08:00

...to a family bound by love, admiration, respect and longing for one another that no matter how far away we are, we always look for opportunities to meet up.

...to a husband whose devotion and dedication to his family often has me wondering, "I must have done something so right to deserve someone so good". I hope he stays that way forever.

...to a son who loves being with me, sometimes clinging to me, even if I am not there with him every day and even if I am not there with him for days when I travel for work, which I do very often.

...to a small group of friends who genuinely care about each other--and me.

...to a few aunts, uncles and cousins (keyword is "few"), who I consider my extended family. Unlike some of my relatives, they do check on me once in a while and they reach out to me to ask how I'm doing--not when they need something from me, like money or a favor.

...to a handful of in-laws who have been nothing but nice, supportive and accepting of me as a member of their family, even if I was a stranger to them when I married their brother. I am so lucky and I couldn't ask for better in-laws.

...to a small team of hardworking, dedicated individuals who work tirelessly to make me and the team look good. My group of colleagues is the reason I love going to work every day--not the work I do, not what I get from it. They are critical to my success in this so-called 'corporate world'.

And finally, I belong to the Man up there, He who is constantly providing and blessing me with all these goodness, including the small group of people who I belong to and who belong to me. And to Him, I am forever grateful!

My husband often tells me "we don't have a lot of friends here", not that it bothers him, but I think he has a lot back home. And each time I'd simply reply, "I think we have what we need". Afterall, less is more. The fewer the better. And the fewer we have, the more quality time we get to spend with them.

***

Photo: My family (minus my parents) during our most recent family vacation.

Day Alone with Lucas

2010-11-08T21:12:00.000-08:00

The nanny is off for the weekend. The hubby is out on a business trip. And I have a day and night alone with Lucas.

I am the one who travels more often. The hub is around almost all the time. On weekends, we often have people around, so quiet weekends are very rare for us these days (not that I prefer them over fun and crazy days, but I could use one of those sometimes).

I was actually very excited to spend the day alone with my son. I had everything planned. I was going to wake up early and take him for a walk, then go to church together. Then I'll spend half the day just playing with him, and then take him to a baby shower later that day.

But alas--I woke up very early Sunday morning and the rain was pouring non-stop. He woke up early too--an hour earlier than he used to (due to the time change). So we had plenty of time to just hang out and play until it was time to go to church. The rain was still pouring hard, but I managed to transport him to and from church without any of us getting wet. I had him in one arm (and he's getting really heavy) and a humongous umbrella on the other.

He was very well-behaved at church. In fact, more behaved than he usually is. He sat still, didn't try to walk around, didn't scream, and enjoyed every bit of attention he got from the families around us who were trying to gesture and make faces at him to make him smile. Halfway through the mass, he fell asleep (he always does). I just lay him down on the pew using my coat for some cushion.

After mass, we headed to pick up some food and cake for my friend's baby shower. He still was very well-behaved. I would have panicked otherwise. It was only until we got to the party when he started crying and clinging to mom. He doesn't like it when people are too loud. He wouldn't let me take pictures. He napped for a little bit so I was able to take some.

We left the party late so we decided to pick her nanny up from the terminal before heading home. While waiting for the train to arrive, we stopped by and chilled out at Starbucks (I did not want to wait at the terminal). It's been a while since I had done this--sit and sip coffee at a coffeeshop at night, with someone. And now I was there--with my son. It was like our little date. I was talking to him like he was an adult (I always do) and he would talk back. He likes imitating what I say. We had our little conversation and I had so much fun! We were giggling together and I can tell how amused people around us were.

I don't always get to do this--spend an entire day alone with him. I also don't wish for this everyday. But I do wish for this once in a while--not only now, but later, and much later--when I'm old and gray and we'd have a lifetime of memories and learnings to talk and giggle about.

Our Giants

2010-11-02T00:30:00.000-07:00

He was literally at the edge of his seat, his eyes glued on the TV screen, at times getting bored that nothing much was happening in the beginning. But at the seventh inning, when mommy started clapping and screaming and cheering to her heart's content, he also lit up, started clapping and cheering along with mom--as if he really understood what was going on.

I know Lucas didn't understand exactly what he was watching, but he knows it was something fun and exciting. He now thinks baseball is Giants. I know that because every time I turn the TV on and he sees baseball, he would say "Jaynts! Jaynts!" (Giants! Giants!)--even if the Giants weren't playing. I love it that he shares our excitement about the team and about sports. I wish that when he grows up, he will be actively involved in sports--either as a fan or a player (the latter would be better). I want him to be active and be part of a team.

As for the Giants, I am so proud of this team, not only because they represent San Francisco but also because I used to watch them play live. I work only a few blocks away from the stadium and I used to go there with some co-workers--sometimes as a company-sponsored event. We cut down on those in the past few years following the economic turmoil, but I sure hope we can go to the games again in the near future. Or better yet, maybe go there with family and friends in the next few seasons.

This is what I like most about sports. It certainly brings people together. It divides a few, but unites a whole lot! Thank you, Giants for playing so amazingly well this season!

Baseball season is over and the NBA has just started. I am rooting for the Golden State Warriors! Now, I gotta find Lucas a set of jerseys...

Kera + Lyn

2010-10-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

I never expected that one of my first photography gigs would be a boudoir session. I thought I would be doing more baby shoots and engagement shoots, but not like this. Not boudoir. This isn't my forte. I'm not good at this.

But these two ladies--Kera and Lyn, both co-workers of my friend Eva, loved Eva's photos and wanted me to do theirs too. They were so excited (even more excited than I was-- I was more terrified than excited). I was afraid that I couldn't deliver or that they wouldn't be pleased with the photos and think it wasn't worth their buck. But how can I say "No"? This was such a good opportunity for me.

So I prepared for it by browsing a lot of photography sites specializing on boudoir photography. Miss Boudoir is one of my favorites. Check out her "before and after" photos and be amazed at how she transformed women to gorgeous-looking models. I bet their husbands didn't recognize them when looking at the photos.

The two of them also came prepared. Actually, I thought I only had one booking (Kera) until another one (Lyn) showed up at the very last minute. I only had two hours to spare and was a little worried about the extra booking. But because they came very well-prepared (their hair and make-up done and they were ready with their little outfits) I was able to finish shooting both of them in an hour and a half. So I suggested we do an outdoor [and more wholesome] shoot afterwards. We did the outdoor shoot for another 30 minutes before I headed back to the airport. We did this shoot in Las Vegas last week.

Kera and Lyn are both Filipinos. One of them is raised here in the US, but I forgot who. They are cousins. Lyn is the one with the ring and she is getting married soon.

I admire these ladies. When I asked them why they wanted sexy shots and what they were going to do with the photos, they just said, "we just want to look beautiful--like those women in magazines!". I told them, "you are already beautiful!". I asked them if they were going to show the photos to the boyfriend/fiance, and they both exclaimed, "of course, we are going to show these off!" And they had a good laugh.

I thought they were kidding until a few days later, I learned that they were showing the photos off to all their friends and co-workers (just female co-workers, of course), and their favorite patients (they both work as Physical Therapists at a Las Vegas Hospital and Rehab facility).

I couldn't believe it, but I'm happy. Happy because it shows that they like the photos. Maybe I can also get referrals that way--who knows?

Sharing more of my favorite photos here...

My Dearest...

2010-10-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

... Charles,

When I was a little girl, I played "bahay-bahay" a lot, and I had a lot of dreams.

On my birthday, I would ask my grandma for a miniature cooking set and a small corner in the dirty kitchen where I would play cook. I pretended to be a mom cooking and serving dinner for my family. I had a dirty little doll that I would bathe and change. And at night, I would sleep hugging my pillow pretending to be a wife sleeping in the comfort of my husband's arm.

I imagined a husband--a man who is tall, dark and handsome (at least I got one of these☺), a man who is a good provider and protector, and one who is smart, brave and strong. And I imagined someone who adores me, holds me in a pedestal, and everyday looks at me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world!

Someone told me that I was dreaming of a silly fairy tale. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

But when I got older, I realized that we can never dream of everything.

I didn't dream of walking through airport security with a heavy luggage in one hand and a screaming toddler in another.
I didn't dream of sitting in a restaurant with a little guy next to me throwing food and water bottle on the floor (and on me).
I didn't dream of working 10 hours a day, sometimes more, and going home only to find myself cooking, feeding the baby, bathing him and putting him to sleep, instead of relaxing and watching TV.

But these things have to be. Because some things need to be experienced so we can all appreciate life.

When I was a little girl someone did tell me I was dreaming of a silly fairy tale, but little did I know that in twenty-five years or so, this silly fairy tale of a young, naive little girl would actually turn out to be something I'd call "my life".

Yes, I am living the life I had dreamed of!

Because although you are short and pale, you are the man in my dreams!
You are the first to hug me when I'm scared.
You are the first to tap my back when I accomplish something and you beam with pride when I achieve a milestone.
You are there to encourage me when I doubt myself.
You are there to comfort me when I fail.
You made me a wife and a mother to this beautiful, happy little boy who is a spitting image of you! And although this little boy screams and throws food and things at me, he is also there to meet and hug me and give me the brightest smile when I come home from an exhausting work day. He is the joy that fills our home.
You are there to clean, mow the lawn, water the plants and wash dirty clothes while I cook.
You are there to wash the dishes every after meal.
You are there to put the baby to sleep so I can relax and enjoy a hobby.
You are a man among men.
You stand out in everything you do.
You are the best father our little one can ever have.
You are warm and cool and you can polish the car better than anybody else in this planet!
You are unique and wonderful, and you are mine.

I am not a little girl anymore. I am now a woman and I have become a superwoman because of you!

Today you turn 48, and I know you worry about getting old so fast. But don't be. I am here for you and I always will be (just promise that whatever you do or become, just don't turn bald on me☺)! And more than anything, I want you to know that I love you more than I ever dreamed of.

Thank you for making all my dreams come true.
And for making me live not just a life, but a fairy tale!

Your Princess,
Liza

Alicia and Kevin

2010-09-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

It's been over two months since I did this shoot, but the thought of it still draws a big, bright smile in my face. It was one fine day. I had a blast. They had a blast.

It was one of those exciting ideas that just sprung out of a casual conversation--one that I thought would just simply be forgotten and never seriously discussed again, let alone materialized.

But it was too good an opportunity to pass up, both for me and for them. I was hungry for a photoshoot and they barely had any photos of themselves as a couple.

It's been over two months and I hadn't thought about this for a while, until recently. Alicia came up to me and said she wanted a link to my website (which I don't have) or a contact info that she can reference on their wedding website. She said they love the photos so much and they want to give me credits on their site and tell all their friends and family about my work. That was very nice of them! I didn't know they were planning to build a website. I guess the photos came handy afterall.

Alicia and Kevin make a very lovely couple. They have been together for a long time (I can't recall how many years exactly, but I know they're been together for a while). Alicia is one of my co-workers, and although we belong in different teams, I see her a lot because she is very good friends with somebody in my team. Kevin is a Filipino, born in one of the US military bases in the Philippines but raised here in the US.

The day we did the shoot started out smoggy. Alicia texted that maybe we shouldn't do it that day. I insisted we give it a try because I actually prefer to shoot when it's overcast and not too sunny. So off we went to San Francisco, starting off at the Palace of the Legion of Honor and wrapping up at China Beach. When we got there, the fog started to vanish, the skies cleared and the sun started peeking through the clouds giving us just the right amount of light that we needed. It was perfect!

I just checked their link and there they were--the photos I took of them proudly displayed all over their site (and under Photo Albums). And I realized that all the photos they posted on their website were original because all they had were the unedited files that I gave to them in a DVD. Yet they looked fine and I couldn't help but be proud of what I had done.

To professional photographers, I know that these photos are considered average, but to me they are great. My heart was swelling looking at them. It was like a moment of sweet victory. It was mission accomplished. It was one of those things that I think I nailed.

I don't always give myself a pat on the back. But this time, I may just have to! :-)

Impromptu

2010-09-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today, I came home to an almost empty fridge and an almost empty pantry. This has never happened before. We've never ran out of groceries. On the contrary, we often find ourselves overstocking and throwing away perishables that don't get cooked in time before they turn bad.

Then it occurred to me that it's actually been a while since we last went grocery shopping. We've been away so much on weekends--in fact, we were home probably only one weekend in the last 2 months that we haven't had the chance to replenish our supplies. Well, Charles and I have both made short visits to the store to get milk, yogurt, bread and baby food. But nothing like the usual grocery shopping that we would do every other week.

So I struggled for a moment trying to figure out what to make for dinner. There weren't any leftovers so I had to come up with something. I was so tempted to just pick up the phone and call for Chinese take-out, but we had Chinese food just a few days ago.

I started browsing--through the pantry, then the fridge, then back to the pantry. I thought, "there has to be something here I can make". I saw a box of spaghetti noodles and a can of tomato sauce, and in the freezer was a pack of cooked swiss meatballs. Aha! Traditional spaghetti was what immediately came to mind.

This was done for a little less than 30 minutes. I didn't have all the right ingredients but it turned out ok. The sauce was actually pretty good but the meatballs didn't go very well with the dish. These swiss meatballs are better paired with thick mushroom gravy.

I sprinkled it with parmesan cheese and served it with love. We had dinner!

Flicker

2010-09-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

I am practicing with a new equipment right now. The hubz got me a new [and improved] external flash to replace the one I broke. I broke the flash on a Monday and he got me a new one before the end of that same week. Good husband! Lucky me!

This is not to say that it didn't surprise me at all! We both knew it wasn't critical to have a new flash right away and I thought this would have to go through his usual 'several-months-long' research before it gets bought. I guess not. I guess he had already done his research a while back--who knows? Also, we were going to first get either a replacement battery cover (which I also broke) or a battery grip, which obviously were more critical to keep the camera functional. He also got both, by the way.

Yes, that's how supportive he is of my non-earning hobby! I guess I should start earning from it so we'll have money to pay for the gear and also get something out of it other than the never-ending supply of Lucas' photos.

Speaking of earning, a friend of my friend Eva wants me to take photos of her too--the same way I took these and these photos. She asked my friend to ask me if I would take $200 for even three photos. I told my friend that "because she was a referral, I would take $200 for ten edited photos". In my mind though, I was like screaming, "Dude! I would TOTALLY do it! Are you kidding me?!?!". :-)

The $200 would not pay for the flash, but I really hope it happens. I've already said yes--it's just a matter of setting the date.

In the meantime, I'll continue playing around and practicing with the new flash--which I really, really love! With my old flash, I found it hard to get rid of shadows on portrait orientation shots, irregardless of how I positioned the flash. I think I may have found the solution and with the new flash, the results are so much better! See [unedited] photos above--no trace of shadows!

The hubz asked me to also read the manual because he said there's a lot of good information in it. I think I should, and I will--eventually.

Healthy and Delicious

2010-09-19T00:15:00.000-07:00

The one thing I like about weekends is that it gives me plenty of time to prepare a meal. I've always loved cooking and I cook almost everyday, but majority of the time work allows me to be home no earlier than 6:30 in the evening, so I often end up making quick meals.

Tonight I made Miso-glazed Chilean Sea Bass, and I served it in a bed of steamed green vegetables with garlic sauce. I always try to have vegetables in every meal. This meal was so good! I ate it with some brown rice too.

I first has this dish at the Tao Restaurant in Las Vegas. This was one of the chef's specialties. It was heavenly! The sweetness and saltiness of this dish is well-balanced and the fish almost melts in your mouth. Two weeks later, I was in Las Vegas again. I went to the Tao and ordered the same thing. I couldn't get enough of it.

When I got home from the trip, I googled the recipe. There were so many of them but I did find the one from the Tao's executive chef! I tried it for the first time last weekend at my sister's. It was ok, but it wasn't as good as what I had at the restaurant. The fish was too moist and just a little bit saltier than it should be.

Hmmm... I guess chefs don't really reveal everything, especially when it comes to signature/specialty dishes.

But I was determined to try it again and perfect it. So today, I made the dish again playing around with the portions and measurements of the exact same ingredients. I also increased the oven temperature and cooking time a bit. What came out was a perfectly cooked Chilean Sea Bass--brown and perfectly caramelized on the outside, and soft and flaky on the inside.

It tasted just as good as the Tao's, with a perfectly balanced sweetness and saltiness to it. This, I think, is my new favorite!

My hungry guests -- they were playing and laughing while I was serving dinner. I cook because of them. Although I love cooking, I still would not cook this much if only for myself. I knew the little man would love the meal because he likes fish a lot. And he did! He kept saying, "Mmmm.... Mmmm...".

Charles loves it too, because it's healthy and delicious. He likes delicious, but if it's not healthy, then it doesn't really impress him as much. This one he refers to as "unlike your crab dish...". :-)

And these are their portions! Nah, Lucas ate half of mine.

Presence

2010-09-18T00:15:00.000-07:00

I normally don't talk about work here. I try not to. I don't like mixing work and personal life, and this blog is very personal to me. But I thought I'd make an exception because I just want to jot down some significant learnings that I recently had.

I never understood what "Presence" really meant until I went to this Leadership Presence workshop that my boss nominated me for. I've been trying to get into this workshop for 3 years now, but the company only sends 20 people to this course annually. There is one course held every quarter with 5 people in each of them. So it's a very small class, very interactive and the coaching is hardcore. A few of my colleagues who have gone through this course before think it's nerve-wracking and know of at least a couple of people who went through it the first day and never came back to finish it.

It's literally a Presentation workshop. We were videotaped almost the entire time. On our first day, we were each asked to make an executive presentation. After the presentation, we were critiqued and there was no holding back on the criticisms. The instructor is not a nice guy, but he was AWESOME! When he introduced himself to us, he said "I don't need to be nice because you are not paying me to be nice. You are paying me to help you."

I received criticisms for almost everything--from the way I spoke to the way I looked -- the way I stood up, where I placed my hands, the way I gestured, the way I looked at people when I was presenting, my facial expression, my face itself -- my make-up or the lack thereof, and even my hairstyle. I saw how it can be humiliating to some people. To me, it was more uncomfortable than humiliating, and that was how it was supposed to be. Key learning? If you're getting professional help for professional growth, don't take things personally!

After getting feedback, I was asked to present again..... and again..... and again until I did it right. And oh, the video review was most horrifying! I could hardly look at myself on the screen. My face looked like a mirror ball that reflected all the light in that room. Key learning? Never go in front of the camera without make-up. Style your hair so not even a tiny part of your eyes are covered. Wear something that makes you feel good about yourself, and it has to be comfortable.

The key to a successful presentation is connecting to the people you are presenting to. Look into their eyes and talk to them as if it was a two-way conversation. Once you establish the connection, your tone, enunciation, facial expression and gestures will just naturally flow, and you may not even know it. But what if you are presenting to a huge crowd--say in a huge hall filled with hundreds of people? Well, split the room into quadrants. Randomly select people in every quadrant and connect to them. Then the rest of the people will just connect to you.

Of course, the other key to a successful presentation is really knowing what you are talking about.

The two day workshop was a torture, but it was an awesome torture. It was like getting a deep-tissue massage after a long laborious day -- you feel a lot of pain in the process but in the end you are changed, refreshed and renewed!

I would do this workshop again in a heartbeat. It taught me not only about how to make great presentations, but also all about presence. I learned that "presence" is not just being there, but it's leaving a trail wherever you go. Presence is leaving a footprint or making an impact. Presence is spending 15 minutes with a person you just met and after a year or so that person may not remember your name, but he will remember you.

It also taught me so much about myself. I was stunned at the realization that there is so much about me that I didn't know. I thought all this time that I had a really strong accent and that I say a lot of 'aahs' and 'uhmms'. None of those showed. I realize that I am sometimes too hard on myself and that I do not give myself enough credit for hard work. I realized that I am insecure about my being in the minority and I often hesitate to assert myself because I feel "this isn't my territory". I realized that I have a lot of great ideas but I just don't say them because I fear people won't like them. But I also realized that if I don't present my idea, somebody else will.

I learned that if I want to be great, I need to trust myself more, have confidence and really believe in what I can do. And just stop holding back and do it!

For-Eva

2010-09-11T01:50:00.000-07:00

Posting more photos of Eva here because I told her I would--that instead of Facebook, I would post them here.

She is sultry and sweltering hot! I can only wish I have her body.

She takes really good care of herself. She eats healthy, exercises regularly, takes naps and gets adequate sleep--something that I have been depriving myself of. I sleep an average of 5 hours a day. She reminded me that getting enough sleep will keep us looking young. I'm inspired by her. I have to do the same.

She knows how to work it too. It was so easy and fun photographing her (even if we had to lift stuff and move furniture around).

She wishes to have a baby someday. Oh, I think she's going to be a great mom! Her baby is going to have the nicest of things! And she's going to love him/her to death! I wish she will be blessed with a child one day.

She has a big heart too. She has a lot of "scholars" back in the Philippines--relatives, close and distant whom she sends to school. She does not ask for anything in return other than to finish school and help others when it's their turn to make money.

Minerva is a beautiful person inside and out. Everyone who knows her will agree with me. She has gone a long way and lives a very comfortable life, but she remains humble and very kind. She goes back home often and feeds pretty much anyone who comes to their house. I often tease her that if she runs mayor of Guindulman, Bohol, she will win without a doubt.

Thank you to my friend, Minerva for trusting me to take her photos! I look forward to the next photo session with her. October maybe--I'll be in Vegas again!

Eva

2010-09-10T23:43:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Minerva or "Eva". I first met her in high school. We weren't close and we didn't hang out--let's just leave it at that. But she is one of the few people I know from home who migrated here in the US so we connected when I moved here, and we have since been good friends.

Eva isn't shy when it comes to photos. She always dresses well, is always made up and loves being photographed. She's posed for me quite a few times when we got together with other friends, but when I asked her once to pose for a boudoir session, she politely declined saying "she does not have the body to flaunt". Of course, she was being modest but I never asked her again.

When I was in Las Vegas two weeks ago for a conference, we agreed to meet. But it was the night of the Miss Universe pageant and after learning that Miss Philippines had a good shot at the crown, we both did not want to miss it. So instead of going out, we brought dinner in and watched the pageant at my hotel room.

After a night of good conversations, super delicious Thai food, a disappointing pageant and a little bit of vodka, I took out my camera to take photos of her. Imagine my surprise when she also pulled out a bag of sexy lingerie and said she's ready to pose for me in them. She said she's only doing so because she knows the photos will come out decent and tasteful. I was flattered.

I hope I did not disappoint her with these photos. My flash broke earlier that day so I took these without adequate lighting. We had to move around furniture and lamps inside the hotel room to get some good lighting. Most of the photos came out dark and blurry--I had to discard more than half of what I took. But these are a few that came out nice.

I think she's happy with these photos. She said it was ok to post them in my FB account. I said "hmm...maybe not". She said, "It's ok. Afterall, I'm not naked!" So I posted select ones there too and told her I would post the good stuff in my blog because all my friends here have artistic eyes.

I cook

2010-08-06T01:54:00.000-07:00

For dinner tonight is one of my first few original recipes. This is not something I got from the cookbooks, from package labels or the internet--this is something I experimented with. I mixed flavors from some of my favorite ingredients and we were all happy with the results!

Grandma Nana was watching me cook the whole time--Lucas was asleep. I couldn't help but notice the confused look on her face as I paced the kitchen back and forth--to the pantry, then the fridge, then the spice cabinet looking for ingredients to add. I'm sure in her mind she was wondering, "does she really know what she's doing???". She asked me several times what I was making and each time I responded, "uhm...pasta?". And that's because I didn't know then what I would call this recipe.

Now, I call it "Angel Hair with Prawns in Creamy Clam Sauce". I had to add milk to the sauce just so I can call it "creamy" clam sauce. I just liked the sound of it better than just "clam sauce". I would have added heavy cream if had some, but I didn't so I had to settle with milk. Yeah, Lucas' whole milk!

It turned out really great! It was light and tasty. It's fishy (surely with the prawns and the clams), but I like it. Surprise, surprise--Grandma Nana loved it too!

For those who are interested in making it yourselves, here's the recipe (note: I didn't measure my ingredients so measurements below are estimates only):

Angel Hair with Prawns in Creamy Clam Sauce

You'll need:
Angel Hair Pasta
2 - 6.5 oz cans of chopped clams in juice
1/2 lb peeled shrimps or prawns (you can put more if you want)
1/2 stick butter (about 4 tablespoons) - you can substitute with olive oil
1/2 clove garlic - minced
1/2 cup white wine
3/4 cup whole milk or heavy cream
1 tsp salt (plus 1 tsp for the pasta)
1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper
1 tsp chopped parsley
fresh basil leaves - chopped
Parmigiano Reggiano

Cook pasta in boiling water with olive oil and salt. Cook until al dente. Drain pasta and wash with cold water so it doesn't continue cooking. Set aside.

In a large saucepan, melt the butter and add minced garlic before the butter turns brown. Saute the prawns/shrimps. Add the juice from the chopped clams, wine and whole milk. Bring to boil. Add the rest of the ingredients, except the chopped basil. Toss the pasta in the sauce until properly combined. Add the chopped basil leaves and sprinkle with grated Parmigiano Reggiano. Do not let the sauce dry up. Serve moist and sprinkle with more cheese when serving.

Buon Appetito!

Babies...babies...babies!

2010-08-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

The new baby boom era isn't over yet. In fact, I think it has just started!

So most of those people at my work has given birth--there were like seven of us pregnant at almost the same time and our babies are now celebrating their birthdays one after the other. But pregnancy continues to spread like epidemic. Two of my friends are expecting, and now my sister-in-law! Yes--my brother and his wife are expecting their first child. I've known about it for weeks now, but since my brother has announced it (at Facebook, of all places) I can now break my silence.

I couldn't be happier for them! They wanted a baby and lucky for them, they didn't have to wait that long. Lucas will now have more cousins to play with. I wish this time it will be a girl! I wish they live closer to us.

***

Photo: The kids in our lives today

Last weekend when cousin Jopie and her family came to visit.

Unexpected Kindness

2010-06-29T17:20:00.000-07:00

I had a long day at work--it's one of those days that didn't start right and one that I didn't expect to end well. But I never take work-related anxiety home, at least I try not to. Home is my retreat!

But what really turned things around today was a little surprise from Lynette. Among the mails today, I got a set of postcards and a photo of little Christina with thoughtful little notes on each of them. I have not been receiving postcards in ages, until Lynette started sending me some a couple of months ago. It is comforting to know that despite the rapid evolution of the internet that allows people to send messages quickly and more conveniently, someone out there still takes the time and energy to lovingly scribble her thoughts.

And Lynette? Of all people, it's Lynette! Didn't she just had a baby?! I guess it's not her thoughtfulness that's unexpected. For the little time that I've known her, I realized how much she cares about other people--about her friends, some of whom she hasn't even met. But with a new baby and a growing family, I'm sure she has her hands full, yet she still takes the time to write.

Dear Lynette, I am sure you've done the same to your many friends but I just want to let you know how deeply moved I am to be receiving such kindness from you. Your notes made me smile and I'm going to keep smiling everytime I see them. If you ever find yourself in my side of the country, please do let me know. I will do the same. I hope to meet you someday and give you my biggest hugs! ~Liza

***

Photo: An old photo. One of the roses that my dad planted in our backyard.

Glimpse: Reminds me of how my dad lovingly nurtured these flowers, watering them morning and afternoon, especially on warmer days. Some things people do without knowing how much it matters to other people. But to some, they actually do matter.

Glimpse

2010-06-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was watching a Nicholas Cage-movie last weekend called "The Family Man". I've seen it I think three times--not my favorite, but quite a good movie I must say--one with a good moral lesson.

The one thing from the movie that got stuck in my head though is the word "glimpse". You see, I always have this tendency to glimpse--to glance at the past and ask "what if that never happened? what if I had decided to do this instead of that? what if I had not gone to this school or chose a different career path? what if I had not met this person?". Oftentimes, I do this when I am looking at photos. I love looking at old photos and remembering the moment--where and what exactly happened when that photo was taken.

And maybe this is why I love taking photos, because I want to be able to go back to something--something that will make me remember and allow me a glimpse of the past and a realization of how things unfolded thereafter. I hope people I take photos of will do the same--not wonder "what if..." but enjoy the memory of a moment that may never be repeated.

Maybe I should brand my work "glimpse" going forward. I bet there's probably several photographers out there who use this word for their name or as part of their name (I googled it and found a few). But that's ok--it's just a name. Not that I'm turning this hobby into a business--I do not want to start something that I cannot commit to. I've done it before (start a business) and it went nowhere due to the lack of commitment and investment of time and resources. It's not easy and that is why I have so much respect for people who turn their passion into a money-making venture (some of whom may be reading this blog). My cousin J's is starting to take off and I really hope she goes a long way because she's really very passionate about it, not to mention how good she is with her craft.

***

Photo: Lovers' Point, Pacific Grove, CA

Glimpse: Two things I think about when looking at this photo: (1) I first came here on a winter--there was hardly anybody at the park and on the beach; (2) My sister's journey to have a baby and those babies she's lost--one of them we buried here.

Love Cries Out...

2010-06-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

... like a champion of battle long fought but rarely won.

I rush headlong unsure, exposed and yet unafraid.

What is this standard I bare so proudly?

What is this strength I feel bubbling up

through body and mind?

It is passion uncorked.

It is friendship unrivaled.

It is chemistry without science.

It is wisdom beyond understanding.

It is laughter sprung from indefinable joy.

It is caring that cannot be washed away.

It is acceptance, unconditional and true.

It is beauty unmatched.

It is comfort without trepidation.

It is knowledge that expands and grows.

It is mystery unfolding.

It is greatness undenied.

It is constant and without borders.

It is limitless possibility.

It is wonder and bliss.

It is YOU.

My heart, my love, my soulmate, my angel.

I am changed and triumphant and will never be the same.

~ anonymous ~

I don't know what it was that brought us two together, but one thing's for sure--sticking around was one of the best decision I have ever made.

Happy Anniversary, my Love. Thank you for four amazing years!

Happy Birthday!

2010-05-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

**My proudest moment**

My dearest Lucas,

I promised that I would write to you when you turn one, so when you're older you will know how our first year together had been.

So it's been one year since we first met. Our first meeting was by far, the strangest, most awkward yet most amazing thing that I've ever had to go through. It was painful and uncomfortable, but I didn't care because I was aching to meet you! What made it more amazing and special was that I was able to hold you and pull you out myself.

I did recognize you right away. You looked like your dad and you are looking more and more like him everyday. But your character and your ways are like mine. You love to smile and laugh. You make a lot of funny sounds and you are funny just like me. Your dad says we are both "animated".

Our first couple of months with you are better than what we had expected. The hardest part was breastfeeding you because you took time to latch, but when you did you were such a good eater. You got big fast and you slept well. You would only wake up every 3-4 hours, sometimes you'd sleep straight for 5 hours--that wasn't bad at all! Your dad and your grandparents were extremely helpful, so I never got exhausted.

You loved breast milk more than anything, and when I stopped breastfeeding you 5 months later, you started losing weight. You didn't like formula--you would only drink very little of it. We've tried different brands, nipples, warm, cold, different flavors--none of them worked. You decided that milk wasn't your thing. But you stayed healthy for us, and that's what's most important! For the entire year, you've never been sick, other than that one time you had a bad stomach because I gave you something with coconut milk. You didn't like that! I don't consider that being sick though. That was merely a reaction to mom's negligence. I swear I'll be more careful with what I feed you going forward.

You've been the most patient baby, and I really like that about you. Unlike other babies, you never complained of being wet or hungry. Even when your diapers leaked, it didn't bother you. It's been a year, but until now we still keep a daily record of your meals and your diaper change just so we know when to feed or change you, because you never ask for them.

I can name five things that make you really happy: (1) Solid food. You don't care about milk, but solid food and water sustain you. Meal time is probably your favorite time of the day, and your favorite food--yogurt! (2) Books. You love books! You enjoy flipping the pages of your books as if you could read them. During the day, we can leave you alone with your books and it doesn't bother you. Although you hate being alone, you consider your books company. I hope you continue to like books and that you'll like reading as you get older. (3) Bath time. You've always loved bath time. This was one of my easiest tasks--bathing you, because you just love the water. What you don't like though is when we spray water on your face, so I always try to be careful when washing your face. (4) Pacifier. You love your binky too much. Sometimes you can't sleep without it. I hope, sooner or later, it won't be too hard to wean you off. (5) Cuddle. Being held by mom or dad always makes you happy. Oftentimes, you wake up in the middle of the night and you ask to sleep next to us. You're not supposed to and you shouldn't get used to it, but I do love sleeping next to you as well.

There are three things that make you cry--oh, I mean they make you really upset: (1) when you realize you're alone. You hate being alone. You hate it when you don't see anybody around, especially at night. I fear that you'll grow up very dependent but I hope you won't. (2) When people around you laugh out loud. For whatever reason, you just don't like it. Grandma thinks you're afraid people are laughing at you. (3) When I sing sad songs, especially those that say "good night" and "goodbye". As if you understand what they mean--do you?

Son, in a matter of one year you have grown so much and you have learned so much. It is almost unbelievable and it's wonderful! I won't ever forget the first time you looked at me, your first smile, your first haircut, the first thing you learned to consistently do--kiss, your first step, your first word--which I hoped was going to be "mom" or "mama". Unfortunately, it was "yogurt"! But that's ok. No matter what you said, whether I understood any of it or not, I am happy because simply hearing your voice makes me happy.

So I want to thank you, dear Lucas, for a great first year, for giving me and your dad the best year so far of our entire lives! Right now, you have no idea how much our lives have changed because of you. But eventually, you'll understand and you'll know that to us, you are nothing but a gift, a miracle--the one thing that made us complete. People used to tell us that once we have you, our life is going to change--we are going to be less mobile and less flexible. Yes, indeed. Our lives changed and it has never been better! We are still very mobile and very flexible. In fact, now we have a better reason to travel. We want to take you to places, and we want you to enjoy the beauty of the world with us.

Thank you for your smile--my favorite part of you. I look forward to it everyday! You started smiling to us when you were only 4 days old and you've been smiling since then. Your smile makes you very easy to photograph, and it melts my heart each time you give me one. Your dad and I are addicted to your smile, and we don't know how we will survive without it.

I also want to apologize to you, Son, for those instances that I lost my patience on you. For those times when you'd cry hard because you didn't want to sleep and I'd scream at you. For those times when I wasn't gentle to you, I regret every one of them. Please know that everyday I try hard to be a better mom. I can't be perfect, but I can be better.

Lucas, my dear, as you turn one you are supposed to make a wish. But I know you won't, so allow me to make a wish for you. I only wish that you'll stay healthy and happy for us. Part of me is sad to see you get big so fast because I love so much having you as a baby! But don't worry about that--I'll get over it in time because I'm also looking forward to see you grow up. Pretty soon you'll be a little boy and I think you'll grow up to be a fine young man. I would love to see that unfold.

As for me, I can't promise you a perfect life. I can't promise to provide you everything that you'll need or want. I can't promise I'll be there for your every milestone, though I'll try. I can't promise you anything but one thing--love. I love you more than myself, and I love you more than anything in this universe! And I promise that I will never, ever stop loving you. Never.

Happy Birthday!!!

Love,

Mom

Worth

2010-04-26T02:28:00.000-07:00

"to trusting that the end is worth it, and never letting go of its promise..."

--Kevin to newlyweds Rebecca and Justin, ABC's Brothers and Sisters

How do you know if something is worth sacrificing for? How do you decide whether to go for it or walk away? How do you distinguish right from wrong when it doesn't appear so apparent?

I guess you'll never really find the answers elsewhere other than within yourself. You'll just know it when it's right. You'll feel it. Your instincts will tell you.

I am very happy with my life now--with where I am and what I've become. But despite that, I still sometimes wonder, "what if...". What if I had chosen this and not that? What if I had gone this way and not that way? What would have happened if I had never left home? What if I married a different guy?

I guess I'll never really know the answers to these. And I'm sure that some choices I didn't make would have yielded better results. But if I were given another chance to do things all over again, there is nothing--absolutely nothing I'd want to change.

***

Photo: A lovely couple at their engagement shoot. They're my cousin J's clients--I had the opportunity to shoot with her that day.

Unexpected

2010-04-13T00:46:00.000-07:00

I am one of those who anticipate things. I prefer to know ahead, to foresee what's to come and be prepared for it. Not knowing makes me uneasy, despite knowing that there are things we can never predict.

But sometimes good things come. And the more unexpected they are, the more meaningful they become.

Today, I received something unexpected. A nice surprise from somebody who was moved by an act of mine -- an act that I never thought mattered much to anyone.

But to this person, it made a huge effect and she made certain it will not go unrecognized.

To me, it's just one of those things that maybe I do deserve but never saw coming. Nonetheless, the unexpected nature of the reward was what made it very special.

This person may never have the chance to read my blog, but I hope she knows that deep in my heart, I am truly grateful!

***

Photo: One fine afternoon at San Francisco Bay (this photo reminds me of a scene from the movie City of Angels)

At A Loss

2010-04-11T16:08:00.000-07:00

I wish I am gifted with a talent to write. I wish I can easily put down to words all the thoughts that are running through my head right now.

I have been waiting for this one opportunity to sit down and write everything I want to write.

But I'm at a loss. I could not compose my thoughts and translate them into words.

The hub once asked why I am not blogging anymore. I don't really know.

It's not that I don't have time. I can always make time.

Maybe I just don't have anything interesting to say. My days are not boring but there's nothing eventful or unique about my days that's worth sharing.

Maybe I don't have any photos to share. Yes, that's true. I haven't been taking photos of anything other than Lucas. And I don't want people to get tired of seeing Lucas.

I am in dire need of an inspiration!

***

Photo: A disposal cup from Caribou Coffee--my favorite coffee place in Minnesota. This cup has inspirational messages written all over it. This is a cup-full of inspiration--just what I need. Whoever designed this cup is a genius!

Rainy Days & Sundays

2010-04-11T15:53:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy day Sunday today. Sun's not coming out anytime soon. Unlike what it does to other people, a rainy day Sunday makes me happy. It gives me an excuse to bundle up and cuddle in the warm, perhaps sleep the entire afternoon or watch a series of movies. Oh, maybe spend some time blogging!

It's been a while since I had a lazy afternoon like this. We're always out on weekends. We try to get Lucas out whenever we can. When we're home, there's always so much to be done. But today, I don't feel like doing much. I even thought of going to the gym but later decided against it. I just want to stay home, relax, and sleep through the sound of spattering rain.

What a day! What a way to treat myself!

***

Photo: Recycling and reprocessing an old photo.

Thoughts on Career

2010-03-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

I have always believed that to get to where you want to be in your career, you do not ask. You work hard for it! But after years of working here in the US, I realized that this is may not necessarily be the case.

If you work hard enough and yield good results, people will notice you. Friends will give you a pat in the back and your boss may thank you. Maybe you'll get a raise or a bonus, but you will hardly get the job that you want unless you ask for it.

I am one of those who normally doesn't ask. I am one of those who notice people's hard work and reward them if I can, and I expect others to do the same. I expect people to pay attention and notice how hard I work and I expect them to do the right thing of pushing my career forward and paying me what I deserve. Sadly, things don't always happen the way we want and maybe that's why I haven't progressed as far as I would have hoped.

I have learned that sometimes, to get to where you want to be in your career you have to first, look for the opportunity, then ask, and then prove your worth!

***

Photo above: The view from my office window. No, I am not the big boss with the great office view--this is pretty much what you see from almost every corner of our entire office.

Simple Things

2010-02-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

At the 9am Family/Children's Mass on Sunday, Fr. Al asked the kids to join him at the altar for homily. They normally do that with the kids during the Children's mass.

When asked what was the most exciting thing that happened to them that week, one of the kids said, "It's my dad's birthday!"

A little girl said, "I saw my friend", and a little boy said, "We went to Santa Cruz". Santa Cruz is a city by the ocean, 70 miles south of San Francisco.

Another kid said, "My mom got me crayons", while another said, "my mom allowed me to stay up late".

Sometimes I envy. I envy children who find so much joy in the simplest of things! And how they appreciate the small yet kind gestures of others that oftentimes we would have hardly noticed.

And I am guilty. Guilty for every now and then I want so much that at times, I tend to leave out the things that really matter.

Aren't we blessed to have these little ones who constantly remind us that it is the simple things that actually make life great?

I'm Dancing!

2010-02-22T01:15:00.000-08:00

It's been 5 weeks since this blog, but until now I haven't done much progress on my resolution for a healthy lifestyle. I've made a lot of changes to my eating habits--mostly reducing the amount of food I take, sometimes starving myself and so far, it has been making me miserable!

You see, I love food! I love to cook and I love to eat! Food is my comfort. Food makes me happy and so eating less is, to me, is a little more than just sacrifice. It would be torment!

So instead of starving myself, I decided to do a lot more exercise. As one of my colleagues said, "it's not about eating less, it's about doing more!" I bet he's right!

Honestly though, I don't enjoy the usual forms of exercise. I hate running! I don't like going to the gym. I sometimes do Pilates at home, but only when I really force myself to do it. Hence, the word "sometimes".

I love sports but it's probably the hardest to commit to. And with sports, you often have to engage other people. So I thought...dancing! I love dancing and this is probably the only form of exercise that I can commit myself into because I know I will enjoy doing it.

So I started dancing this weekend. I enrolled myself to a few dancing classes--Brazilian Samba on Tuesdays, Salsa on Saturdays, Zumba and Latin Aerobics on Sundays. You can tell I love Latin dances--they're my favorite!

Salsa was great yesterday and so was Zumba today. But so far, I liked Latin Aerobics the most--it's like a combination of Zumba and Yoga. There's a lot of stretching and walking involved, and tons of hip action.

I hope I can follow through with this. I think I can commit myself to something I enjoy doing. And hopefully, someday, I can shed all those unwanted pounds and really get myself back into shape!

_____________

Photo: Not a dancing shoes--just one of my favorite pairs.

PhotoSHOPPING

2010-02-20T02:12:00.000-08:00

I've tried to live without Photoshop for several weeks now. I thought I would be OK without it because I don't do a lot of photo post-processing. But as the days go by, I am starting to feel miserable without my Photoshop.

I actually do love post-processing photos and learning new processing techniques, but sadly I just don't have time for it. I do edit and make corrections to most of my photos and iPhoto does that well for me. But I can't seem to find enough time to do photo post-processing, even if I want to. When I had Photoshop, I used it more for attaching watermarks to my photos. When I had time to process photos, I'd do a few and really enjoyed it. Now I can't because I got no tool to use.

I used to have Photoshop for Windows. I was running Windows parallel to Mac OS in my iMac. It worked seamlessly until I had to reformat my machine and upgrade my Mac OS. For some reasons, I could not get Windows to run either by parallel or bootcamp.

So now I'm shopping for a Photoshop CS4 for Mac, only I can't find anything below retail anywhere. Thing is, I really don't want to spend $700 on a software--especially if it's something I use for a hobby (funny that I'd be willing to spend this much on a pair of shoes that I'd use occasionally and not on Photoshop that I'll probably end up using more often). I'm looking for cheaper alternatives and I'm considering Adobe Photoshop Lightroom instead. Haven't used this before but I was told this would be adequate for photo editing. Maybe I'll try Gimp too, but then again, if it's for photo editing I can just stick with iPhoto.

I miss Photoshop! I would totally settle for an older version--it's better than not having it at all. I feel paralyzed!

________________

Photo: Grilled Tiger Prawns--one of our favorite quick meals.

Dream

2010-02-20T01:25:00.000-08:00

A dream is a heavy burden to carry

But those persistent enough

will carry their dream to reality!

I've been watching the Winter Olympics and this is just one of the many lessons I've learned from them persistent athletes.

I watch these games not because I know how they're played, not because I know who the athletes are nor am I cheering for any of them. I watch these games because seeing people celebrate their victories make me so emotional, and hearing their stories--of what they had to go through to get to where they are--is nothing short of inspiring!

_____________

Photo: One day, I woke up to this beautiful early morning.

What Never Fails

2010-01-30T22:54:00.000-08:00

the sight of your sunny smile,

the sound of your tiny giggles,

the feel of your warm touch as you rest your feather-light hands in my chest,

the smell of your sweet breath as your breathe into my face when I cuddle and tug you close,

these little pieces of you, my darling

never fail to make my day!

Back in the Blogspace and some thoughts

2010-01-30T15:12:00.000-08:00

I finally got the chance to blog again. It's been a while. Lucas has been asleep for over an hour now and I think it will several more minutes before he wakes up.

I do miss blogging and I miss reading your blogs. If I haven't been sending comments, that's because I haven't been able to visit your space. I had a lot of thoughts lately and I wanted to write them, but I never got the chance to do it. Now, they're too "bahaw"!

The one thing I really try to make time for is update my mommy journal. This is important to me. This is my way of capturing my son's milestones.

Anyway, here I am--back in the blog world, but not for long. Next week is going to be crazy busy again and I will be out traveling. I won't see Lucas for an entire week [sigh]! This is, by far, the longest time that I won't be seeing him, and I hope this will be the last. I hope the trips to come will be a lot shorter.

***

I had to reformat my iMac. I upgraded my OS and somehow, something got messed up that things started crashing and slowing down. So I decided to give my iMac a rebirth--wipe everything out and re-install. Now, it's a lot faster and so far, nothing has crashed. But the one thing I can't seem to successfully install is the Windows OS parallel to my Leopard. Now, all my Windows apps aren't running--including Photoshop. So no more photo editing for me until I figure out how to make this work.

***

Doesn't matter if I can't edit photos. I have not been able to take photos anyway. In fact, our camera has been running out of juice for several days now and we haven't even re-charged it. After this upcoming trip, I hope to start clicking away again. I hope to take more photos of Lucas, which might now be very challenging as he has started getting more and more fidgety.

***

Photo above is from months ago, when I was practicing how to use our macro lens.

A Resolution

2010-01-17T02:55:00.000-08:00

I normally don't do New Year's resolutions because I just end up getting disappointed when I fail to achieve it. But this year, I need to make one resolution and I need the discipline to follow through.

I need to re-establish a routine! Since I had Lucas I have not been eating and living healthy. I have not been exercising and I am eating like a pig. Last weekend, we went for a Sunday brunch buffet and I had at least five platefuls--trying pretty much everything in the menu!

My eating habits started changing when I got pregnant, as it normally would. And I ate even more when I was breastfeeding. But it's been two months since I stopped breastfeeding, yet I'm still eating the same amount and I am now seeing the outcome of it. After 8 weeks of giving birth, I went back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but now I've gained some of the pounds back!

My worry isn't so much about how I look--how we look depends on how we dress and carry ourselves, not on how small or big we are. But it's more about how I feel. I feel heavy, weak and always exhausted even when not doing much. And when my energy level is this low, it affects my behavior, my mood and my way of thinking. Lately, I've had some difficulty getting focused at work. And at home, I get irate pretty easily. I've also been getting sick quite often.

So it's time to start re-establishing my routine. I need to recharge. I need to start exercising again and eating healthy. I need to get more sleep (I'll start tomorrow because it's already 2am and I'm still here blogging), and I need to take multi-vitamins again, speaking of which I need to throw away a bottle of expired Centrum and get myself a new one.

The goal: to maintain a weight of 120-125 pounds and get toned. And the work starts now...

Ten for 2010

2010-01-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

2007 was a year of weddings. 2008 was a year of travels. 2009 was a year of babies. I wonder what 2010 will be!

Checking off the majority of my 2009 wishes got me keyed up for a 2010 list. So here they are (in no particular order):

1. A healthy Lucas. Lucas was in perfectly good health for 2009. I hope it continues.

2. A real vacation. A trip to somewhere nice and relaxing, somewhere I've never been.

3. To see my parents again. Preferably in the Philippines. Since I came to the US about 9 years ago, I've always been going home every year. 2009 was the only exception when I had a baby.

4. A promotion. Doesn't hurt to dream :-)

5. A visit from one of our friends or close relatives from outside the country. Something I didn't check off last year--hope it happens this year.

6. Be 10 pounds lighter. I'm still 10 pounds heavier than my ideal weight--really need to shed off these extra pounds!

7. To learn something new. Anything new--be it snowboarding, pole dancing, a new language, a new sport, a new hobby--anything!

8. A green card for my sister. Or at least to get the process started.

9. Another niece or nephew. This time maybe from my brother?

10. A wish granted for Charles. Whatever it is that he wishes for-- a wish granted for him is a wish granted for me.

My eyes closed, my fingers crossed, I imagine blowing a candle, pulling a wish bone, tossing a coin at a wishing well. I call unto thee, good spirits of the universe--smile at me and make all my wishes a reality!

☺

Checking Off 2009

2010-01-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

LUCAS, the highlight of our 2009

All I wanted to do for 2009 was to end it on a high note, and I did! It was a very special year for me and Charles primarily because it brought us our first-born. To us, Lucas was the highlight of the year!

But there's more to 2009 than just Lucas. I have not forgotten about the wish list that I blogged about right around this time last year, and I am happy to report that I'm checking off most of the items on my list.

Here's what I wished for this past year--
☑ for a safe delivery and a healthy baby - thank God, Lucas was born healthy and my delivery experience was nothing but awesome from start to finish! I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

☑ that charles and i will gain more strength and patience to embrace the difficulties of parenthood - parenthood, indeed, is a test of one's patience and I think this value is the one we hammered on ourselves almost instantaneously as soon as we became parents.

☑ for more opportunities at work, for my team to stay intact and for better correlation among colleagues from our different offices - despite reorgs an several of our colleagues impacted by layoffs, my team has remained intact and in fact, there were additions to our team this year. I also embraced a new opportunity at work. I took on a new job this year! It's with the same company, but the work is totally different and better than what I used to do. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say "I am no longer a Finance person!"☺

☑ to be better at photography and to meet more people with the same interest so I may learn more from them - I did meet a lot of very talented people both here and at Flickr who inspired me to be better at photography. If you are reading this, then you are one of them! Thank you! I am better because of you!

☑ that my parents will have a grand time while vacationing in the US - my parents' visit was cut short, but they had a wonderful time--so wonderful, it was hard for them to leave. And it was hard on us too. We miss them badly!

☑ that my nephew will grow up to be a vibrant and healthy little boy - thank God, Nathan has never been sick! He's been healthy since he was born. He is such a vibrant and happy little kid too!

☑ that my cousin and her husband be finally blessed with the baby of their dreams - oh yes, they were! My cousin delivered a beautiful, bouncy baby boy and they named him Benjamin. What a wonderful year it was for our family!

☑ that the world economy will start to recuperate and thus help people improve their way of life - the economy has started recuperating, but it will be a long way to go before we are back to where we had fallen from. I continue to hope that this year is better than the last, and next year is better than the current, and so on...

☑ that my brother will finally marry the girl of his dreams - my brother got married last June (and I did not even know they had plans when I made this list).

☒ that at least one of our friends from outside the country will come visit (maybe chichi? hint...hint...) - unfortunately, this didn't happen in 2009. But I have a feeling somebody will come this year!

☑ that my friend jocab will have a blissful marriage and that i may get together again with my girl friends lori, minerva, lolit, kathleen and joy - my friend is now happily married! I attended her beautiful wedding last May, just a week before I had Lucas. And yes--I was reunited with my friends, in fact, twice this year!

☒ that wars will end and I will hear less and less about innocent children dying - I see this as an ongoing wish, more of a lifetime dream than a yearly one.

☒ that at the end of the year, I will find myself checking off this entire list - no, I didn't check off my entire list, but I checked off more than I had expected to.

At the end of it all, I checked off 2009 as another phenomenal year!

Next steps... a list for 2010! Coming soon...

Holiday Cooking

2010-01-03T00:23:00.000-08:00

The Prime Rib roast I served for Christmas Eve dinner that got the hubby bragging and deciding that he is not going to the House of Prime Rib (our favorite steak house) anymore.

The one thing I look forward to during the holiday season is the food. The holidays give me an excuse to have lots of food. It gives me a good reason to cook--to cook for my family and to cook for others. We also love to entertain. We love having people around.

The hub recently told me that I've become more and more efficient when it comes to hosting dinners or parties. In the past, I used to over-prepare! I'd cook so much food that I'd find myself cooking an entire day and still end up serving dinner late (because I won't finish on time). The food would be fine but not great! I would not enjoy dinner because I'd keep worrying about what I forgot or messed up. In the end, I'd be begging my guests to bring food home and yet we'd still have a refrigerator full of leftovers enough to feed us for an entire week! I'd retire for the day feeling totally exhausted! Throwing parties and hosting dinners would stress me out.

These past experiences have taught me one thing--our guests don't really care how much variety of food I make. What they care most about [apart from the company and the conversations] is that they're filled and that the food is good.

So I've since changed how I prepare dinners. I'd have a couple of appetizers--ones that are either so easy and quick to prepare or something ready-made that just needs to be warmed in the oven. Depending on who my guests are I'd either have soup or salad or I'd skip both. I'd cook two main dishes and two quick-and-easy side dishes--one carbs (rice, pasta, potatoes) and one veggies. I'd either buy or make dessert.

I decided to serve beef and seafood for Christmas because we had pork and bird for Thanksgiving. This Cioppino was slightly overcooked but it didn't fail to impress. One of my guests said this was better than any Cioppino he's had from Monterey or the Fisherman's Wharf. He's obviously never been to the Sardines Factory in Monterey because they have, by far, the best Cioppino in town (my opinion)!

This really worked so well! This past holiday, I didn't start cooking until 4 or 5 in the afternoon (except for Thanksgiving when I had to put the turkey in the oven at noon). But since most of my main dishes were either broiled or roasted in the oven, I spent most of my cooking time making the side dishes and setting the dinner table. I even had plenty of time Facebooking and playing with Lucas in between cookings. Entertaining has suddenly become so much fun and totally stress-free! The best thing about it is that I got to spend quality time with the guests and enjoy the conversations as well as the food! And because I wasn't rushing and stressing out, the food also turned out better!

Oh, this just makes me love cooking more! And I look forward to making more dinners and sharing more meals with the people I love!

A plateful of goodness! I've always wanted to enjoy my own cooking. I think I've just learned how to do that.

A New Year Message

2009-12-31T21:49:00.000-08:00

I thank you for letting me be a part of your day-to-day, your journey, your life. I thank you for granting me the privilege to see your art, enjoy your talents and appreciate your creativity. I thank you for continually inspiring me to write, photograph and express myself in the way I know how. I thank you for allowing me to learn from you, even if I haven't met or known you personally.

It is very humbling to be surrounded by such a talented and wonderful group of people! I thank you for helping make 2009 yet another memorable year for me!

I wish you and yours a safe, peaceful and joyful New Year
and may 2010 bring you all you could wish for!

Cheers!
~ Liza ~

Giving Back

2009-12-29T18:29:00.000-08:00

So many people lost their jobs this year. So many people lost their homes and their way of life. It's hard to imagine what it must be like going home unsure of whether you have a meal or not, or worse, having children and not being able to feed them.

For those of us who are left with jobs, we all too often get so immersed in our own little world that we fail to recognize the challenges that we would have to deal with had we assumed the same fate that others did. Ultimately, we forget how vulnerable we are. We may be lucky right now, but even that could change instantaneously! The reality of it is that we are all at the mercy of the economy and sometimes, no amount of hard work can shield us from the impact of these harsh conditions.

While grocery shopping a couple of weeks ago, the fish vendor at Seafood City (a Filipino grocery store) came up to me and asked if I had old baby clothes that my baby is no longer using. She obviously saw me pushing Lucas in a stroller and she said she has a small baby who could use some clothes. My initial reaction was to think "did she really just ask me that? what is she doing asking strangers/customers for clothes?" So I replied "yeah, maybe I have some old clothes but I'm actually not from here. I live far away." This happened in a city called Vallejo, where so many Pinoys live. It's a 30-minute drive from my place.

She responded, "I see. That's fine. Thank you!" and she gave me a genuine smile. What was I thinking? For someone to have the guts to come up to a stranger like that and ask for things is a sign of desperation. And she wasn't doing it for herself, she was doing it for her baby. Shame on me! I am a mom too and I should have known that a mom would do anything for her child.

I was so stricken with guilt! I went back to her and said "you know what, this is a short drive from my place and yes--I do have old baby clothes and you can have them!" Her eyes lit while she exclaimed "Really?! You'll remember?!" Yes, I will remember! I took her name--Paula, and her work schedule, and I will go back there soon and bring her baby some clothes.

I vowed to give back for all the blessings I have received, and I'm done making excuses. Sometimes it's easy to say "I want to do something for others but I don't have the time or the energy or the resources to help". Oh yes, we do! A few little things here and there--a couple of hours of volunteer work, giving away usable clothing and shoes, a $10-bag of pancake mix that will adequately feed 200 children back home--these little things can go the extra mile and make a whole lot of difference!

Christmas is over, but it's never too late to give back. So please do....IF you haven't already.

Photo (grabbed from my dad's FB account): Just some of the kids that my parents fed last Christmas. We gave them money to buy themselves the Christmas gifts that they want, but instead they bought lots of bread, pancit and fried chicken and fed the poor families in their hometown of Loon, Bohol. So proud of them...

Merry Christmas!!!

2009-12-24T02:38:00.000-08:00

To all of you, my friends and cyber friends...

I also wish you all a safe and happy New Year, and so many great things coming you way in the year ahead!

CHEERS!!!

I just had to...

2009-12-21T00:28:00.000-08:00

...cut his hair! It was a much-needed haircut!

Everyone in my family is telling me to wait until Lucas turns one-year old before cutting his hair. It's a superstition! Some folks believe that when we cut baby's hair before they turn one, they will go bald at some point. Some say they will become stupid ("maka-bugo" kuno).

So where do I stand on superstitious beliefs? I am old-fashioned when it comes to this and I believe in superstition. I observe them ONLY IF I can help it, only if believing doesn't do any harm. But when it is no longer convenient and when harm starts creeping in, I have to let go of my beliefs and do what I think is right.

So today, Lucas had his first haircut! And although his head now looks like a coconut husk (I did an awful job cutting his hair--I should have just left the job to the pros), he's a happy kid! I think the shorter hair made him feel a lot better--no more hair covering his eyes and tickling him inside the ears. I noticed him rub his eyes and scratch his ears less! I think I made the right decision--of giving him a haircut! Of doing it myself? That I'm not so sure!

Extra Special

2009-12-08T23:42:00.000-08:00

Right about this time last year, I was four months pregnant. We were very excited about Christmas! Our family finally gathered after years of not spending Christmas together--my parents came, my brother came with his then girlfriend, my sister came with her newborn son. It was my nephew's first Christmas. What a celebration that was!

This year, it's going to be our first Christmas with our son--our first Christmas as a family! Too bad my parents and my brother won't be able to join us this time, but I'm still very excited. The Christmas cards are done, the tree is up! It's Lucas' first Christmas tree! It was hard to find time to do all of them, but they're done! I have a few more decorating to do, a little bit of Christmas shopping, planning for Christmas Eve dinner, and maybe a short trip to Tahoe, if the weather permits, so Lucas can have his first taste of snow. I also plan to do some volunteer work--my idea of giving back this holiday season. I'm doing one tomorrow and hope to do another one before the year ends.

This year, Christmas is going to be extra special! Lucas won't remember it, but I certainly will!